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If we’re not connecting with other people in ways that create genuine relationships of meaning and depth, then why are we even here? Those precious connections are the cleanest, most life giving fuel that helps us to meet the demands of reality. These relationships structure our very selves. Those closest to us contribute to making us who we are. But the thing is, these bonds are not free. All…

If it’s true that you can’t love anybody until you love yourself first, then the opposite must also be true. You can’t hate anybody until you hate yourself first. Look around. Anytime you observe someone acting in a hateful way towards others, that’s not an accident. It’s a release valve. They’re trying to pay the pain forward. Because when you hate yourself, the only thing that makes you feel…

My mentor had habit of asking penetrating questions that rocked me to my core. One in particular stuck with me, which he originally asked when I was trying to end an unhealthy relationship. Are you allowing this person to create a future with you that you’re obligated to be a part of? Not an easy thing to ask yourself. But what he was trying to teach me was, don’t…

My mentor use to train his sales and customer service agents to give something called the response before the response. After a customer complained, employees would smile and say, that’s my favorite problem, and I’m the perfect person to help. Jeffrey said this attitude helped diffuse angry customers and set the tone for a positive interaction. What’s fascinating about this strategy is, it also works on ourselves. We can…

Positivity doesn’t increase our success, but it does increase our field of vision, which allow us to better notice the opportunities that lead to success. My experience has proven this time me countless times. And yet, it’s more than motivational rhetoric. It’s been clinically proven. Fredrickson, the professor and social psychologist who teaches positive psychology, did research on what’s called the broaden and build theory of positive emotions. Her argument is…

Doesn’t anybody like anyone anymore? Are we really so busy that we can’t be bothered to rustle up some respect for each another? Apparently not. Everyone is so critical, negative and angry. Our collective inability to find anything good about anyone is downright embarrassing. And at the risk of blaming technology for our interpersonal problems, here’s my theory. Computers make humans meaner. They give us permission to act from…

Here’s a cool paradox. For certain things, we don’t need as much as we think we do. And for other things, we need much more than we think we do. Take the concept of time. The story we’ve told ourselves is that if we only had a few more hours in the day or one extra day in the week, we’d cross off everything on our list. But time,…

Response flexibility is the habit that enables us put a temporal and mental space between stimulus and response, and between impulse and action. Siegel’s research showed that widening our window of tolerance is what broadens the span of arousal within which we can function adaptively. Think of it as the clinical version of the best mindfulness advice our parents and teachers ever gave us. Sweetheart, take a breath. Now,…

Who has let you down in the past month? Maybe it was a friend who bailed on the concert at the last minute. Or a coworker who didn’t meet your project deadline. Perhaps a public figure who accidentally said something offensive during a press conference. Or maybe the barista at the coffee shop put the wrong kind of milk in your drink. The list goes on and on. There…

Whyte, the poet master general, explained that his work is only a career looking back. Looking forward, it’s a frontier, he says. He just tries to keep an integrity and groundedness, while keeping his eyes on his voice dedicated towards the horizon. This sounds eerily familiar to me. My professional life resembles that trajectory as well. It’s like, one day you look around and realize that your current mix…