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Where are you on the information to affirmation ratio?
People don’t need information, they need affirmation. Google can give them information to their heart’s content. But only a living, breathing human being can sit down, listen to that person’s story, look them in the eye, and say something like, oh wow, that really sucks. Hey, you’re doing great, so keep it up. That’s amazing, I knew you could do it, way to go. Affirmation really is a fundamental…
From zero to one and one to two
Have you ever felt hopeless, unmotivated, disgusted, apathetic, scared, invisible and exhausted, all at the same time? It’s a scary and complicated emotional cocktail. But it is possible to feel that many feelings at once. It’s disorienting a hell. The first time it started happening to me was around age thirty. Ambiguity about the future of my career and relationships weighed down on me like a lead blanket. The…
Ripen into more mature ways of relating to self, other and the world
The brain does not reach full maturity until our middle twenties or thirties. Adolescence isn’t finished just because the word teen no longer appear in our age. It usually take two or three decades of life before we can genuinely build an adult understanding of the world. And so, if not a number, then what are the defining characteristics of adulthood? How do we know that we’re actually growing…
What would you say, ya do here?
Determining the market value of your talents is difficult. Pinpointing the vehicle of your uniqueness requires the intersection of two types of understanding. Knowing thyself, and knowing thy customer. Here are a few questions that have been helpful in the appraisal of my own value, both as an entrepreneur and an employee. Let’s start with the first category. Knowing thyself. Answers to these questions will no doubt have patterns…
How could you embarrass your fee?
Here’s a testimonial that makes me proud as a businessperson. It comes from a client who rented my brain to help grow her nonprofit. ‘ Gilly commented that she had always been a supporter of the approach that mentoring should not be a paid activity, as this has the potential to change the dynamics of the relationship and create a power imbalance. But after my first email response following…
Usefulness will arrive in many unexpected forms
Here’s the text of an actual email that showed up in my inbox once. Scott, our chamber of commerce recently ordered new name tags with the new logo for all the directors and staff. Some of the directors are very pleased with their nametags, while others are not so impressed. We have written an article for our newsletter on the benefits of wearing of nametags, as per the article…
Measuring humanity fragments our understanding of it
People are not machines. Trying to measure humanity fragments our understanding of it. We need to start accepting ourselves as an inherent part of nature, just like the trees and the animals themselves. Bateson, the illustrious anthropologist and social scientist, made the observation that the difference between the way human beings think and the way nature works is, nature doesn’t measure. Nature deals only with the pattern which connects,…
Each of us can choose what behaviors we exhibit
Culture is everyone’s job. It’s made up of everyone and every interaction in the company. If it’s happening at the organization, it’s a part of our culture. Whether we like it or not. There is no such thing as nonexistent culture. It’s either intentional or not. Years ago, one of my junior coworkers was bemoaning the fact that our company culture had become unfriendly and overly professional. Pretty standard…
You have to date your friends
We can’t become mediocre friends with too many people. Because as we grow older, our days go faster than we think, and the fewer opportunities we have to be with those people. The upside is, the knots grow tighter on the ropes that bind us. When we’re apart, we think to ourselves, wow, isn’t it wonderful that we actually want to be friends with our friends? What blessing. The…
Our feelings aren’t facts, but they’re still ours
Desire doesn’t have to be specific or passionate to be real. It’s okay to want something from a place or simplicity and generality. Just because we don’t check the boxes of white hot longing and obsession doesn’t mean our feelings aren’t legitimate and shouldn’t be honored. The challenge is, we buy into these culturally sanctioned stories about what our desires should look like. Unwritten rules about what’s okay to…
