Blog

My coworker once told me that she feared people’s judgment anytime she left the office before six. And so, she started coming in earlier and staying until seven or eight. Every night. First one in, last one out. This dedication earned her a nice promotion, but her routine was not sustainable. People started casting sidelong glances at her for burning the midnight oil. Because in our modern work culture,…

There are no good or bad feelings, on healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing them. And if channeled in a meaningful way, every emotion can be of service. Dayton coined the term emotional sobriety, which means being in charge of our own inner world and able to experience deep feelings, understand them and talk about them rather than act them out in destructive ways. In the spirit of that…

Workaholism isn’t exhausting because we’re working all the time. It’s exhausting because we’re running around playing defense all the time. Medicating ourselves with all these tasks and projects as a way to stave off feelings of loneliness, insecurity, sadness, whatever. Protecting our auras, guarding our egos, armoring our hearts. Facing only inwardly. That’s defense. It’s definitely comfortable and secure. And the upside to operating in this mode all the…

Complainers annoy me, but they sadden me more. Because people who bitch about everything and everything under the sun are signaling to the world that they have no power over their attitude. And in this confusing and chaotic circus of a world we live in, attitude is really the only thing we do have control over. Look, we all get upset when things don’t go our way. Show me…

Reveal as much as you can so you can get yourself to a position where you can reveal more. This is the real artist’s journey. Revealing to ourselves and others what we love and who we are. With that authentic intention, nobody can take anything away from us. And while everything we create will not be celebrated or even noticed, we will still have built a place of our…

For many people, joy isn’t pleasurable, it’s anticipatory pain. It’s a height to fall from. Because clearly, right around the corner is something that’s going to be the end of everything. There’s no point in getting their hopes up, so they may as well deliberately avoid experiences that invoke positive emotions or happiness. Here’s the most convincing argument I’ve ever heard in defense of this experience. Rollo’s book on…

My psychologist friends tells me that patients often come to therapy and say their problem is someone else. Their assumption is that, not unlike the famous existentialist saying, hell is other people. When the reality is, it’s actually them. Sartre might agree that indeed, the cruelest form of hell is the one we create inside ourselves. It’s simply a continuation of the things that we choose, here and now,…

What if we believed we could afford to relax? What if we trusted that we had plenty of time to all the things we wanted to do? Maybe we wouldn’t have to keep pushing ourselves beyond our natural capacity, and we could actually be present in this world that so many people take for granted. My realization of this truth showed up on the day of my retirement. The…

Here are two descriptions of my morning routine in two distinct phases of my life. The workaholic version of me woke up at dawn in order to achieve, get things done, medicate my loneliness with adrenaline, get a leg up on the competition, pack as many hours into the work day as possible, and prove my worth to the world before they discover that I have no idea what…

Our basic human needs can disgust or even insult us sometimes. The fact that our body needs to sleep for twelve hours straight, that our spirit needs stay in bed all weekend, or that our mind needs to go jogging in the rain until all the anger is purged out of our system, it can feel like a burden. To ourselves and to loved ones. But a critical component…