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This is the lexicon of entitlement, and it’s not a good look on anybody
I was reading a neuroscience study about how certain people are genetically predisposed to respond more strongly to unfairness than others. It’s called equity sensitivity. The degree to which people have a strong, automatic reaction when they encounter a situation that’s unfair. And it’s funny, because if you read some of the questions on the assessment tool, they’re fundamentally flawed. The language perpetuates a mindset of constant comparison and…
What is your attachment to fairness costing you?
In my late thirties, I got laid off four times from four jobs, back to back to back to back. The first one was a workforce reduction, the second was an acquisition, the third was a private equity buyout, and the fourth was a prefundraising downsizing. Naturally, I felt sad, lonely, confused, angry, rejected and unappreciated. This was textbook unfairness. Because I knew in my heart that I did…
You’re looking for justice, that’s just what you’ll find
The problem is not that life is unfair, but that fairness doesn’t exist. Look around. We live in an unjust society, not in a world with impartial and just treatment without favoritism or discrimination. Being a human means accepting that the scales of justice don’t balance simply because we expect them to. In fact, I find that the more hung up people get on how the world should work,…
The more I know, the less I understand
I want to break down three dimensions of intellectual humility. For each one, I offer suggestions for raising awareness of your cognitive fallibility. The first piece of intellectual humility is independence of intellect and ego. This refers to our ability to separate our beliefs and opinions from our sense of worthiness. We accept and evaluate ideas and information objectively, without letting personal emotions cloud our judgment. This one is…
Intellectual humility sets our spirits free from worries that unfold
Aristotle said it is the mark of an educated mind to entertain an idea without accepting it. This is the habit of what psychologists call intellectual humility. It’s the awareness of our own cognitive shortcomings. Recent research has shown this trait is correlated with improved wellbeing, stronger relationships, lower stress and greater resilience. Here’s a quote a from a study in a positive psychology journal that resonated with me….
Out of sight, out of mind
That which is no longer directly perceived, ceases to exist. Not literally, of course. But the way the human brain works is, it quickly forgets things that are no longer visible or present. If we can’t see it, it’s not there. Psychologists would call this a lack of object permanence. And the principle primarily applies to infants playing peekaboo, although interesting to consider its adult implications. Because oftentimes, a…
How not to be a fascist
What’s the fastest way to shut someone up? Call them a fascist. Works every time. The universe conversation ender. This pejorative epithet has been used against a range of people, political movements, governments, and institutions for over one hundred years now. And it’s fair game for all. People on both the left and the right have accused their opponents of being fascists at once point or another. Orwell himself…
If I ever catch the guy who did it, I’m going to kill him!
It hasn’t hit me yet. The experience is still settling in. I haven’t comprehended or emotionally processed a significant event, situation, or piece of information. I’m sure it’ll hit me eventually. It’s only a matter of time before I wrap my brain around this thing. But for now, it just doesn’t feel real. Seems like a dream. Now, maybe it’s denial. Or fear of acceptance. Or a delayed response…
Balanced depth, broadly rooted
Stay away from the extremes. Avoid having only one center of gravity, but also make sure you don’t have too many. In the case of the former, it’s unwise it is to turn a single entity into the center of gravity of your universe. Dependency on a single source for your identity can be risky when that aspect of life inevitably changes or diminishes. Think of it this way….
Leverage the center of gravity
In the world of psychics, the center of gravity is an imaginary point in a body of matter where the total weight of the body is concentrated. It’s where the distribution of weight is equal in all directions. Our football coach used to talk about keeping our center of gravity low during plays, bending our knees and keeping our head and chest over the ball. This form helped us…