Opinions are no longer a dime a dozen. 

Thanks to the amplification of tribal behavior through modern technology, opinions now cost much more than a dime. Hell, we can’t even afford to have them anymore. The social cost is simply too high. 

Particularly if our opinions are unpopular and controversial. Anything we say can and will be used against us. Even the very act of expressing my opinion about the inability to express an opinion is probably not an acceptable opinion, in somebody’s eyes. 

Reminds me of a memorable scene from my favorite music movie. 

You tell me right now, what’s wrong with The Righteous Brothers? 

Nothing, I just prefer the other band. 

Bullshit! 

How can it be bullshit to state a preference? When did this record store become a fascist regime? 

This moment is perfectly illustrative of modern culture. Our tolerance of, respect for and comfort with other each other’s preferences has vanished.

Now our culture favorite pastime is judging each other’s taste like a math problem. It’s either good or bad, right or wrong, smart or stupid. Because of this, people are shamed and shrunk into silence.

Fearing the repercussions of uttering a single honest opinion, we acquiesce and add our support to the accepted consensus.

Fearing the rejection from the herd and being cast to the bowels of hell, we only feel comfortable voicing a single homogeneous opinion.

Fearing the social backlash and public lambasting, our deeply felt opinions become regrettable gaffes and nothing more.

The old joke was, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as long as it agrees with mine.

But there’s nothing funny about that anymore. And the saddest part is, our declaration of universal human rights explains that everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression, and this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference.

Guess that only applies when people have the right opinions.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What do you want to create in the world, regardless of public opinion?

Here’s the best part about the ocean. 

When you get into the water, you can’t make anything happen. All you can do is adjust to what the ocean is already doing. 

That’s what happens when you’re at the mercy of a force much larger than your fragile little bag of bones. Humility is instilled into you, whether you like it or not. 

Hamilton, the pioneer of big wave surfing, said it best:

Anyone not humbled by the power of the ocean should take a good, long look at a fifty foot wave. If you don’t have respect for a wave, it’s only a matter of time before the ocean teaches you to get some. We’re all equal before the wave. 

The ocean, of course, is a metaphor for something much bigger and abstract. Call it nature, god, the universe, higher power, metaphysics, the cosmos, whatever. 

Woe unto those of us who act contrary to its spirit. 

No matter how big and strong and clever we think we are, we’re all just stepping into the ocean, waiting for the wave to humble us. The word current says it all. It derives from the word corant, which means the flow of electrical force. 

But it also means belonging to the present time. Right now. The place where we can’t make anything happen. Where there’s nothing to change or improve upon. 

We show up, surrender to what the water is already doing, hang on to our boards and enjoy the ride. 

Koontz summarized it best in his definition of the human condition:

Survival and sanity depends upon our embracing pain rather than resisting it or dreaming of escape. 

Take a chance and dance with the current.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Do you struggle to make progress against the resisting mass of the entire sea?

Autonomy, or the ability to make choices according to our own free will, is a core psychological need. 

We all want to be the author of our own script. We all want to freely choose things in our life without being overly controlled. Research even shows that there is a direct relationship between job autonomy and greater work satisfaction. 

But careful what you wish for. Once we find ourselves in an environment with minimal structure and zero micromanagement, entrusted with astonishing levels of autonomy and responsibility, it can be quite disorienting and intimidating. 

After all, most people are accustomed to having an explicit job description and a boss supervising our work. And so, in the absence of micromanagement, we can feel paralysis rather than liberation. Trapped under the weight of ambiguity and chaos. 

It’s one of the reasons former entrepreneurs often make effective startup employees. Because freedom is their home vibration. It’s their baseline operating mode. Having run their own business, they already know how to manage their time efficiently, they require minimal direction from above and take extreme ownership of their work from cradle to grave. Kind of like autonomous vehicles. 

Entrepreneurs roam freely, using a variety of techniques and technologies to sense their environment and navigate with little or no human input. Using an extensive amount of data extracted from real life scenarios, their neural networks are activated and learn to perform the best course of action, getting smarter with every mile they drive. 

And sure, they may run over the occasional cyclist and destroy a few mailboxes here and there. But nobody’s perfect. 

Just like autonomous vehicles, as long as you give entrepreneurs adequate time to recharge, and wipe the blood the windshield, they’re ultimately a smart choice for the organization. 

To quote the greatest car commercial of all time, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

If you were in charge and had total freedom on how to handle things, what would you do and how would you do it?

Ellis, the founder of rational emotive behavior therapy, explains that the mundane encounters which we all experience each day constitute unpleasant, even stressful, events. And the ubiquity of these events, he writes, may make them even more potent contributors to the stress of modern life than has previously been assumed. 

All the more reason to take greater agency over joy. To bring as much perceptible lightness to the otherwise oppressive situations of life as we can. 

Hell, there are millions of people who live their entire lives without anything that brings them joy. Probably because they don’t deem themselves worthy of it. Why not go out of our way to offer that gift to them? Why not perform the simple act of giving ourselves away before we need to or are asked to? 

One of the most satisfying parts about wearing a nametag all day every day is that it’s a vehicle for creating moments of micro joy. A hello from a bus driver, a conversation with a cashier, a joke from a complete stranger, each of these encounters make both people rise up with a greater lightness of being. 

We feel that little thrill, as if the cells in our body are slowly rising. Our exchange lasts a few seconds, but for one brief moment, there is an emancipation from the anxiety which takes the joy out of life. 

We have yet another reason to make life a true celebration.

If that sounds pretentious and schmaltzy and suspiciously earnest to you, then maybe ask yourself what kind of relationship you have with joy. 

Ask yourself where in your life you might be cynically blanketing every spark and flicker of delight. 

Because if you want to get out of that destructive stress loop and into a more fulfilling existence, mundane encounters are an easy and free place to start. 

It’s cheaper than therapy. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

How are you taking greater agency over joy?

Our culture has a severe addiction to a family of dangerous ideas, each of which has a slightly different species. 

Here they are, in no special order. 

Clarity, closure, certainty, consistency, consensus, control, cleanness and completeness. 

Clarity means everything has to be plainly seen and understood. 

Closure means everything has to be wrapped up in a tidy bow. 

Certainty means everything is guaranteed with zero probabilities to contend with. 

Consistency means everything is predictable, orderly and undemanding. 

Consensus means everything is safe and doesn’t offend anyone. 

Control means everything that happens in our life is a result of our own actions. 

Cleanness means everything is simple and free of difficult layers. 

Completeness means everything is connected to the whole and flowing as it is meant to be. 

We are addicted to every single one of these. 

Hanging our hearts on such narrow pegs, we’re hoping for something that simply not going to exist. Waiting in limbo to receive the gift of cotton candy skies, we’re waiting on a train that’s never going to come. 

Earls wrote a book that chronicles the dawn of the age of creativity in business, in which he said the following:

It is an unfortunate fact of life that moving forward always means letting go of some things that have previously helped us. And yet we continue to use the construct, long after it has been shown to be groundless. 

Yet another sign that letting go might be in order. 

Our precious cocktail of clarity, closure, certainty, consistency, consensus, control, cleanness and completeness? 

The time has come to get sober. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you willing to let go of the need for what most define as order?

Animated movies are a staple of modern day cinema. 

They are perhaps the most important genre in the film industry. 

And not only in terms of box office gross and franchise success. But also their contribution to our cultural heritage, their ability to articulate mythology and their way of communicating meaningful messages to audiences of worldwide. 

What’s fascinating is, after you watch a few hundred of these animated movies, multiple times over, thematic patterns begin to emerge. 

Think back to the last animated feature films you’ve watched. Whether you liked them or not, and whether you cried your eyes out or not, odds are, one of the following lessons was taught. 

• Be yourself, but work together. 
• Treasure everything, but accept change as a natural part of life. 
• Own your unique gifts, but ask for help and trust in those around you. 
• Share your joys, but only with those who appreciate them. 
• Learn to let go, but never give up on yourself. 
• Seek the treasure, but value the friends you gain along the journey.
• Honor your background, but don’t let it limit your future. 
• Feel everything, but don’t worry about needing a reason to. 
• Have a new adventure, but find your way back home. 
• Keep moving forward, but remember where you came from. 
• Accept that people will call you crazy, but still see how far a simple idea can take you. 

Southpark said it best in their award winning episode about imagination: 

Fictional characters affect our lives more than most real people in this room. They have had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. They’ve changed our lives and changed the way we act on the earth. Doesn’t that make them kind of real? They’re imaginary, but they’re more important than most of us here. And they’re all gonna be around long after we’re dead. In a way, those things are more real than any of us. 

Should we be taking life advice from cartoon characters? 

Absolutely. Remember, just because it’s not the lesson you’re interested in learning right now, doesn’t make it any less valuable. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you extracting insight from divergent sources of information?

Addiction psychologists famously researched hundreds of case studies from various family members of workaholics. 

 One cool theme in their final profile was that spouses viewed their relationship as serious and intense with a minimum of carefree time and fun, and children believed their workaholic parents took work too seriously and lacked a sense of humor. 

 Does that sound like somebody you know? 

 Hell, it could be any one of us. 

 After all, workaholics don’t have a monopoly on taking themselves too seriously. We just do it better than anyone else. 

 But the lesson behind this is not about the abundance of hours, but the absence of humility. 

 For those of us who are nose to the grindstone every hour of every day, there are several things we fail to realize. 

 Nothing we do will affect the fate of humankind. 

 Nothing we don’t do will be the end of western civilization. 

 And yet, we can still make a full commitment without taking ourselves too seriously or subscribing to a murderous work ethic. 

 Reminds me of the great saying about the famed passenger liner:

 Titanic was so arrogant that it thought itself to be unsinkable. 

 Point being, it does takes humility to accept we’re not as unique and indispensable as we think, but it’s also profoundly freeing. Discovering that the world will not fall apart without our witty banter and expertise, what a tidal wave of relief.

Ah, the peace of a life wholly surrendered. It’s better than drugs.

If you want to create fewer unnecessary stressors and drastically decrease the pressure you put on yourself, let the virtue of humility triumph over you.

Acknowledge your relative insignificance.

In the words of my recovering workaholic pal, the biggest casualty of untreated addiction is perspective.

 LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Where will you acquire the humility you need to balance your audacity? 

Within the interpersonal realm, surrender is the willingness to leave our position to join the other. 

To make the empathetic leap and see things from somebody else’s perspective. 

But in the intrapersonal realm, meaning, that which goes on exclusively within our own minds and hearts, surrendering means something different. It’s the willingness to leave our ego and join the only reality there is. 

And make no mistake, this is a skill. Surrendering is a muscle. It’s something we have to practice on a daily basis, both in the macro and the micro. 

Here’s a quick assessment to help you assess your own relationship with surrender. 

Do you obsess about things that don’t go your way, or do you move on with your life quickly and without guilt? 

Do you debate trifling issues that are irrelevant to your current situation, or do you stay focused and unperturbed by the debris? 

Do you whine about interruption and create a swampy backwater of unproductive energy, or rise above the noise and forget it ever happened? 

Do you feel instantly abandoned and devastated at even the slightest rejection, or is your beingness so solid that the routine of everyday life does not derail you? 

Clearly, this is not a scientific tool. But if your answers tended towards the first part of each question, perhaps your relationship with surrender could benefit from some additional attention. 

It’s certainly a better use of your time than fighting reality every step of the way. 

Remember, the more you let go in your life, the less stressed you’ll be. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you ready to leave your ego and join the only reality there is?

Age and ambition have a complicated relationship. 

There are certain people who, as they get older, will stop dreaming, period. 

Others will put their dreams in a box so they never spoil. 

While others will actively kill their dreams out of fear or guilt. 

And my personal favorite, the people who do dream big, but have literally zero intention of ever even beginning to lay the groundwork for making those dreams a reality. 

Now, there is one other camp of dreamers on the list. People who do still dream as they mature, but with significantly less attachment and expectation. 

Very different posture. 

Having recently found myself in this last camp of dreamers, allow me to share what it feels like. 

Instead of believing that happiness depends on getting something or becoming someone in the future, we are more honest and realistic about ourselves. 

Instead of acquisitively driving our dreams from a place of ego, we accept and delight in the fact that our dreams are humbler than we originally thought. 

Instead of demanding the world give us everything we desire, we adopt a more realistic attitude about how to attain the things we want, or if they’re worth attaining at all. 

Instead of harboring illusions that our dreams will save us and set us free, we find the majority of our fulfillment en route to the goal. 

Instead of forcing ourselves to accomplish things by society’s arbitrary time standards, we abide by our own sense tempo and rhythm and velocity and trajectory. 

Proving, that we’re still dreaming, but with less baggage. 

What’s more, our dreaming process is more spacious. Meaning, we keep slack in the system. We keep whitespace on the dream canvas. 

Because who knows what will happen? 

Life rarely conforms to our wishes, and it’s important to allow for some emptiness so there is room for the unexpected dreams to pop up and steal our hearts away. 

Those dreams we never could have predicted but realize we can’t live without. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Will your dreams remain dreams when you insist on their being fulfilled instantly?

People leave your life sometimes. 

Not by dying, necessarily. They just go away.

And it isn’t a thing you can control or predict. All you can do is react.

Reminds me of my favorite coming of age movie. Gordy says of his two best friends from middle school:

As time went on, we saw less and less of each other, until eventually we became just two more faces in the halls. It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.

The question is, how do you react when people leave your life? Do you become upset that you never got the closure you were looking for?

Maybe you get angry that you don’t fully understand everything there is to be understood before somebody turned their back. Or you interpret that person’s exit as a horrendous violation of the rules of friendships and a callous disregard for your emotional wellbeing. Or you demand a final airing of grievances, so you can have the last word.

Maybe you don’t actually want closure, but vindication. A nice tidy explanation that clarifies why you’re the one who was wronged.

Look, all of these reactions are normal and healthy. Nobody appreciates being ghosted. Who among us doesn’t want to tie every friendship up in a neat bow and sail off into the sunset?

If only human beings were that black and white. If only our expectations didn’t get in the damned way.

But the reality is, people leave our life sometimes. And in fact, if somebody has clearly made the decision to move on, even without your input, you can fight as much as you want, but eventually, you’re going to have to trust their decision and let them go.

It’s not fair, but it’s also not about you.

People are going to do what they’re going to do.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you waiting for somebody to provide with an excuse, just so you can find a way around it?