This is the lexicon of entitlement, and it’s not a good look on anybody

I was reading a neuroscience study about how certain people are genetically predisposed to respond more strongly to unfairness than others.

It’s called equity sensitivity. The degree to which people have a strong, automatic reaction when they encounter a situation that’s unfair.

And it’s funny, because if you read some of the questions on the assessment tool, they’re fundamentally flawed. The language perpetuates a mindset of constant comparison and competition, which can lead to negative emotions and attitudes.

Here, I’ll share some questions off the list. Think about how you might answer.

*It gets me down when I get fewer opportunities than others to develop my skills.

*It worries me when I have to work hard for things that come easily to others.

*I ruminate for a long time when other people are treated better than me.

Notice how the framing in these questions encourages the person to evaluate their situation, and its outcomes, based on how it compares to others.

Yikes. This inherent demand for fairness will almost certainly lead to feelings of envy, resentment, or entitlement. Words like better, worse, easier and nicer are upholding a victimhood mentality. People are basing their sense of worthiness on how they stack up against others, rather than focusing on their own talents, growth and achievements.

Another challenge with this inventory of equity sensitivity is the use of what I call dirty words.

Not profanity. Something much worse. Here, let me share a few more questions, and see if you can spot the problematic language.

*It makes me angry when others are undeservingly better off than me.

*It bothers me when others receive something that ought to be mine.

*It disturbs me when I receive what others ought to have.

*I have a bad conscience when I receive a reward that someone else has earned.

Did you spot the dirty words?

The big ones are deserve, ought and earn. Other ones not included but which are equally insidious are should, have, right, insight, must, demand, expect.

This is the lexicon of entitlement, and it’s not a good look on anybody.

Heidegger said language was the house of being, and that philosophy applies in this instance. The more hung up we get on how the world should work, the more we overlook how it does work, and the less meaning and fulfillment we have.

The foolish pursuit of a society founded under the inherently flawed premise of equity is a colossal waste of time and energy. Look, I understand children begin life with fairness as their default position. Which is why they’re surprised and affronted when they first face a situation that seems unfair.

But at some point, we’ve got to unlearn this dysfunctional habit. For the sake of our sanities, and the sanities of our loved ones, we must desensitize ourselves to this thing called equity. And develop a healthier relationship with reality.

Because the closer we look at it, the fuzzier the boundaries around it can get.

Let’s wrap with a little comedy.

Pryor’s famous joke comes to mind. In his standup show from the early seventies, he told a story about going to jail for income tax evasion. He also made a social commentary on the issue of fairness. Specifically for marginalized groups. Here’s the line.

You’re looking for justice, that’s just what you’ll find. Just us!

Richard believed that our quest for justice might not always result in a just society, it might only reveal a system that is inherently biased and exclusive.

Wow, wouldn’t it be wonderful if the scales of justice balanced simply because we expected them to?