Sucked into the vortex of social pressure

People pleasing is a learned behavior.

Most of us were trained from a very young age, by parents, teachers, coaches and other authority figures, to either meet people’s expectations, or follow our own essential desires and suffer the consequences.

This behavior served us well when we were children. It kept us safe and helped us grow.

However, as adults, the disease to please can have the opposite effect.

Think about the last time you went on family vacation or a company picnic and felt incredibly guilty at the thought of letting others down. Maybe it regarded eating, drinking, sleeping, recreation or attending certain events. Either way, there was some degree of fear in disappointing people running through your veins.

How did you cope with those feelings? Did your mouth say yes when your body was screaming no? Did you play along just to avoid rocking the boat? Did you feel violated or taken advantage of?

Or, did you make a stand for your values? Did you respectfully decline without justification? And did you share your truth in the moment and feel grounded in your authentic self?

Certainty, the latter set of questions would be ideal, but let’s face it, few of us are that adept at setting boundaries. Irrespective of personality type, we all want to be liked and validated, and making others happy is a fast and easy way to do so.

But here’s the disconnect. If we’re denying our own value system just to give other people what they want, we lose. If we’re overextending ourselves despite our feelings of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, we lose.

Something my therapist once told me was, we can set all the boundary intentions in the world, but if we don’t regularly check in with our own needs in that moment, it can be very tempting to get sucked into the vortex of social pressure.

Even if the purpose of our action is to be productive and useful and connected and supportive, it can still take a toll on our mind, body and spirit.

And that ultimately disconnects us from our day to day life and the people we care about.

Remember, our boundaries are around our behavior, not theirs. This isn’t about saying no to others, but saying yes to ourselves.

You have every damn right to disappoint others.

People pleasing may be a learned behavior, but so is setting boundaries.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How guilty do you feel at the thought of letting others down?