Here’s your cake, here’s your wine, see ya

Seinfeld did a number of episodes about illogical social obligations and the unwritten rules of human interaction.

The one that stands out is when the gang spends their entire evening preparing to attend a dinner party of a couple they don’t even really like.

They schlep their way around the city through the freezing cold night, searching for a coveted, overpriced cake, annoying store owners by accidentally breaking wine bottles, disrupting customers while waiting in line, and causing a traffic jam by double parking.

When they finally arrive at the hostess’s apartment hours later, completely exasperated, they simply say, here’s your cake, here’s your wine, see ya.

What a perfect metaphor for the human experience.

First of all, the episode is a story that’s clearly heading somewhere, and yet, never actually arrives. The characters are aimlessly searching in a maze which blooms into a disproportionate vastness as they wander.

It’s the pornography of infinity. In this amusement park we call life, there is an exceedingly long line for a very short ride, and sometimes the ride isn’t even that fun.

Sometimes the damn machine has mechanical problems and needs repair, but the carnie doesn’t tell us that until we finally get to the front of the line an hour later.

That’s why we should learn to love the exploration, and not the expectation that we will discover something at the end of it.

Camus was onto something when he encouraged us to embrace the absurd condition of human existence, while also defiantly continuing to create meaning as a revolt against it.

The second lesson that this television episode can teach us is, maneuvering through outdated and pointless social constructs, solely out of guilt or expectation, is silly and expensive and exhausting.

It’s one thing to be polite, generous and approachable, it’s another thing to enslave ourselves on a treadmill of obligations just to avoid conflict and losing social status.

Here are some questions I’ve found helpful to ask myself before trying please every person who bids for my time.

*Is this an opportunity, or an opportunity to be used?
*Is this experience worth being tired for tomorrow?

This intention makes it much easier for me to respectfully decline invitations and find the most meaningful use of my time and energy.

The final and most absurd lesson from the show about nothing is, when it comes to parties, occasions and these other dreadful events, sometimes you just want to get there, and have it end.

Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Five minutes after you show up, everybody just leaves. Introvert or not, you have to admit, that’s an attractive proposition.

Look, it’s one thing to battle your antisocial tendencies and be appreciative for invitations to do anything, it’s another thing to lock yourself into plans to you later regret just to avoiding telling somebody no.

Ultimately, being a human being is just like a nineties sitcom. It’s an absurd and illogical premise.

And the sooner we embrace that, the higher our ratings will be.

Here’s your cake, here’s your wine, see ya.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Which television show best mirrors your own life?