The acid reflux of disgust at yourself

Sometimes something alien arrives and throws your whole paradigm out of whack.

Could be a piece of art, an email from a customer, or a simple conversation with a friend or family member.

But whatever that alien thing is, it swoops in and totally shifts the lens through which you view everything familiar. You see yourself through a new set of eyes, possibly not even yours.

And the scary part is, that alien thing makes you doubt your own habits.

Have you ever had this experience before?

It’s happened to me a few times. In my early twenties, a drunk friend spent twenty minutes one night telling me what a dumb idea it was to wear a nametag everyday, and that despite writing a cute book about my experience, it was never going to lead to anything substantial. Good luck trying to fall asleep with that song chiming through your head.

Later that night, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, doubts flooded my mind. Maybe this whole nametag thing was a big joke. Some fiction that I’ve been telling myself to overwrite my safe little reality. It’s probably time to rip off that goddamned sticker and pursue a more stable and traditional career. Otherwise I’ll be shacking up with my parents until middle age.

For a few hours, that acid reflux of disgust welled up inside of me. All my cherished beliefs about my identity, my idealism and my independence suddenly felt so small, selfish and silly.

Who do you think you are? What are you doing with your life? Blech.

Just thinking about that night still makes my stomach queasy.

Point being, it’s no fun to feel disgusted by our your instincts. But apparently, it’s part of being human.

Next time this happens to you, take a moment to check in with yourself. Find a way to differentiate between yours and what’s theirs.

Pop a few antacid tablets. And try not to be too hard on yourself.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you feel when people treat your desires with disgust and rejection?