The best response to radio silence

When people we love don’t return our calls, it triggers a host of complicated emotions.

There’s fear, where we wonder if they’re okay and hope that nothing bad has happened to them.

There’s dissatisfaction, since the expectation in the social contract of all human relationships is communicating.

There’s guilt, as we start worrying what we might have done or said to push them away.

There’s apathy, where we just feel like giving up and leaving the ball in their court and if they don’t call back, fine, that’s on them.

There’s resentment, since there’s no way people’s lives are so hectic that they can’t take five minutes to return a call, and who the hell do they think they are, anyway?

All of these feelings and normal, healthy and valid. Anyone with a heart and people in their lives who they care about, has been there before.

But considering every single person on this planet is fighting a battle that we know nothing about, and considering every human being rests at the nexus of a vast number of interwoven causes and conditions that influence their behavior, then the best response to radio silence is love.

Certainly, there will always be exceptions for certain people with whom hard boundaries need to be set, and in certain cases, relationships need to dissolve.

But most of the time, the most healing solution to any problem is more love. Truth is, if we are better because someone is in our lives, then we should be prepared to overlook their weaknesses, employ a little compassion and forgiveness, and love them anyway.

Nepo’s brilliant meditation on compassion comes to mind:

The reward for breathing is not applause but air. The reward for kindness is not being seen as kind, but the electricity of giving that keeps us alive. The reward for loving is being the carrier of love. It all becomes elusively simple. The closer we get to the core of all being, the more synonymous the effort and its reward.

Right now, think about one person in your life who is notorious for not calling you back. But instead of ruminating about their flaws and weaknesses and the state of your relationship, just pick up the phone and call them. Keep calling them. Even if that means having a relationship with their voicemail, even if that means sending them messages without knowing if they’ve received them, even if that means sending them gifts without knowing if they appreciate them.

Keep calling them, if only for the sacred experience of being the carrier of love.

You know, at a certain point in all relationships, we have to burn our scoreboards, give each other lifetime passes, and remember that it’s not about how many people love us, it’s how many people’s lives are better because we love them. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
To whom are you willing to be the carrier of love?