“When will you have done enough to be happy with who you are?”
My mentor first asked me that question when I was twenty-three.
As I recall, I didn’t much care for it.
Probably because I wasn’t (yet) secure in my selfhood. I hadn’t (yet) won the battle for enoughness.
Now, seven self-actualized years later, I’m a bit closer. Not fully there, but closer.
Here are a few things I’ve learned:
1. Affirm your enoughness. Every morning during my Daily Appointment with Myself, I spend a few deep breaths affirming the following message: I am enough … I have enough … I do enough. It’s short. It’s simple. It’s powerful. It works. Try it out sometime. Even if you think it’s cheesy. Especially if you think it’s cheesy. Doesn’t mean it’s ineffective. How do you talk to yourself every day?
2. Cure the waves of whoami. This tsunami of self-doubt stems from a lack of confidence in your own abilities. Usually, it takes the form of a deflating comment that begins with, “Yeah, but who I am to…?” Cancel that thought from your mind. Begin writing the following sentence fifteen times a day: “I am the person who can do this … I am the person who can do this.” Whatever “this” is, you can do it. What would take for you to believe in yourself down to your toes?
3. Who you already are is enough to get what you want. It just takes a little convincing. Here’s another affirmation/breathing exercise I’ve been saying to myself daily for years: “I am richly supported … I trust my resources … I am equal to this challenge.”
Works like a charm. And it’s a nice reminder of what Walt Whitman once said: “You contain multitudes.” What’s more, when you realize you are already complete, there is a joyful playfulness to what you do. And that attracts people into your orbit who will gladly help you get what you want. What would change if you believed you had all that you needed?
4. Put yourself at the top of your own list. Bill Hybels writes, “We can’t be rivers of living water to others if an obstruction at the source is blocking the flow.” For example, sometimes I’ll ask my mentees to draw a blank target on a piece of paper.
Next, inside the bull’s-eye, I’ll ask them to write down the #1 person they’re trying to please in their lives. In the second circle, I’ll ask them to write down the next most important person. And so on. Until the bull’s-eye is filled. Then, when they’re done, I’ll conclude by asking, “Where are YOU on your own target?” More often than not, they’re not. Yikes.
Not that you have to be #1 on your own list all the time. But enough that you’re not neglecting the most important person in the world. How can you help others win their battle for enoughness if you haven’t even stepped onto the battlefield in your own life first?
5. Tell yourself you are worthy of this dream. Give yourself permission. Whatever your dream is, you are absolutely entitled to have it. Sure, you will have to work your ass off to get it. Sure, you will have to sacrifice things to get it. But it’s yours. More specifically, as Earl Nightingale used to say on his 1950’s radio show, “Our Changing World,” it’s yours for the asking. What dream are you afraid to voice?
6. Give this time to yourself. That’s the suggestion of my yoga instructor, Carol. “Don’t leap up off your mat right away,” she’ll announce at the end of class. “Take these final few minutes to let your body thank you. You deserve it.” And yet, at least half of the class doesn’t listen. Without a second thought, they dart out the back door quicker than you can say “Crackberry Addiction.”
I guess some people refuse to believe that they deserve to give time to themselves. The undertow of guilt is just too strong. However, as my friend Meg Bucaro says on The Guilt Free Mom Blog, “Motherhood has become a dangerous, competitive sport. And unfortunately, the deepest injuries come from moms comparing themselves to others and having unrealistic expectations for themselves and their kids.”
The reality is: This isn’t just about moms. This is about anyone who doesn’t believe they deserve success. Are you willing to give this time to yourself?
REMEMBER: You are enough, you have enough and you do enough.
Embrace those three truths, and you’re certain to win the battle.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
When will you have done enough to be happy with who you are?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “23 Ways to Bring More of Yourself to Any Situation,” send an email to me, and you win the list for free!
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That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Mentor
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