Skynner’s bestselling book on family and marital therapy defines a control freak as:
A perfectionist defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in
the belief that if they are not in total control, they risk exposing themselves
once more to childhood angst. They often manipulate and pressure others
to change, in order to avoid having to change themselves.
It’s a difficult
personality to be around. When person is willing to leap over any boundaries we
have set in order to bombard us with their truth, it can feel suffocating.
Because they demand intellectual allegiance. There is absolutely no way anyone
will dissuade them from their position. And they’re shocked if people go
against their way of doing things.
Unfortunately, managing control freaks is an
experience for which we are given limited tools and training. In fact, it
wasn’t until mythirtiesthat I
finally developed the language to express what I was feeling.
But if I could
travel back in time, here’s what I would have said to them.
Look, I know you’re
never wrong. I can see that you have a zero tolerance policy for other people’s
opinions. And I fully understand that if everyone doesn’t do things your way,
they’re wrong. But please stop trying to make me feel inadequate about my own
views. Please stop trying to heighten my sense of lack and invoke my fear of
missing out, just because you’re terrified of being out of control. You cannot
convert me to your dogma, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t try.
me be one of the lost ones who missed the boat to bliss.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your strategy for managing control freaks?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
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* * * *
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.
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