7 Ways to Turn Hate Mail into Great Mail

The old saying in customer service is, “A complaint is a compliment.”

If that’s true, then hate mail must be a dozen roses.

I only say that because, in my four years of business, I’ve received my fair share of hate mail.

Now, without going into a whole dissertation about the irony of hate mail being sent to a man who wears a nametag 24-7 to make the world friendlier, I do want to share 7 ways to turn hate mail into great mail.

1. Humor. First of all, at least half of the world’s hate mail is sent from invalid sources. This list of jerks includes – but isn’t limited to – ignorant adolescents, intoxicated persons, general idiots, uneducated anonymous loudmouths, no-life negative-nay-sayers and standard player-haters. So, if you can uncover the superficiality of someone’s ridiculous claims and realize that he has no evidence to support his arguments, you’ll probably start laughing.

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Keep your favorite pieces of hate mail in a folder, or even posted on your wall.

2. Loyalty. If someone leaves a cutting, negative comment on your blog, message board or forum, don’t delete it. More often than not, your fans, customers, friends and loyalists will come to your rescue and defend you. Because that’s what fans do. For example, years ago, Kevin Smith started a website called www.kevinsmithsucks.com. He posted his own hate mail just so others would come to his defense. And they did.

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Allow the negative comments to remain, and the people who love you will come to your rescue.

3. Feedback. On occasion, a piece of hate mail might make a good point. My suggestion is to reply to the person (providing they actually leave an email, which they don’t often do), and thank them for their comments. Explain how you plan to use their feedback to make positive change to your organization. Of course, don’t antagonize them. Just be grateful. In my experience, I’ve made major changes to my ideas simply because a hate mail letter was spot on.
LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Don’t be so close-minded to think that ALL hate mail is incorrect.

4. Leverage. Two of my best pieces of hate mail have become two of my best stories. One has to do with commitment; the other has to do with innovation. The best part is: when I tell those stories during a speech, they always get the audience on my side and support my points better than any other story could.

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Brainstorm three people with whom you could share your latest piece of hate mail. Get ‘em on your side.

5. Motivation. Hate mail is a great motivator. Hell, I even thanked all of the people who sent me hate mail in the acknowledgements section of my second book! After all, their letters only made me finish that book sooner.

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
There’s nothing like someone telling you that you can’t do it to make you do it.

6. Reinforcement. Senders of hate mail also tend to be jealous of your success, probably because they’re not successful themselves. It’s like Steven Pressfield explained in The War of Art: “When people see you begin to live you authentic lives, it drives them crazy because they’re not living their own.” So, haters do this because they have no parade of their own. That’s why they’ve chosen to rain on yours. Which means you’re probably doing something right.

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Every time you get a piece of hate mail, jump up and down and yell, “YES! I DID IT!”

7. Personal Growth. Valid or not, all hate mail is a perfect way to test patience and positive attitude. Think about it: if you get an anonymous letter from an ignorant person who thinks you’re stupid, you don’t have to let it get you down. How you react is your choice. Of course, if you do react negatively, take it personally and get all defensive, then maybe you are stupid.

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Each piece of hate mail is a test of your ability to respond positively to a negative stimulus.

The deal is: you always have a choice.

When someone sends you hate mail, it’s all about your response. Ultimately, criticism keeps you in check when it’s right, and keeps you in chuckles when it’s ridiculous. And the way I see it, using positive turn-around techniques like the ones I’ve mentioned are sure-fire ways to leverage negative comments to your advantage.

Now, allow me to close this article with my all-time-favorite hate mail example. Actually, it wasn’t so much a piece of hate mail as it was a death threat:

It came about three years ago from some guy in New York City. He left a note on my guestbook that read (and I quote), “Scott, if you ever come to New York, I’ll f***ing kill you!”

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in years. It was the funniest letter I’d ever read. I’ll kill you?! You can’t make that stuff up! A death threat?! Are you kidding me?! It was so great, I not only told all my friends about it; not only posted it on my bulletin board and my blog; but I even replied to the guy and thanked him for his letter. (After all, how could I turn down a dozen roses?)

And believe it or not, he wrote me back! In fact, he was SO shocked to receive such a positive response, that he actually apologized for his harsh words.

Now that’s what I call turning hate mail into great mail!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Love the haters

Over the years, I’ve accumulated a nice collection of hate mail.

I know. Who sends hate mail to a guy trying to make the world friendlier?

Anyway, all of the hate mail I’ve received over the years has taught me a valuable lesson: in the process of making a name for yourself, you will encounter people who will not want you to succeed.

I say, screw those people.

They are jealous.
They are not making a name for themselves.
They have no parade of their own so they’re raining on yours.
They are too weak to follow their own dreams so they have to discourage yours.

They are haters. And they serve no purpose other than to:

1) Bring you down, or
2) Fuel your own self-belief

So, the choice is yours: get pissed or start laughing.

My advice? Just remember what Steven Pressfield wrote in The War of Art: “When we begin to see people livinge their authentic lives, it drives us crazy because we know we’re not living own.”

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
How do you deal with the haters?

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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You’re young enough to be my kid!

Being a 26 year old professional speaker sucks.

Actually, not really. I love my job. You couldn’t pay me NOT to do it.

But picture this: you’re about to walk on stage to address hundreds – sometimes thousands – of seasoned business professionals who are twice your age, have three times your knowledge and four times your experience. Every one of them watches you with skeptical eyes and crossed arms as if to say, “What?! This kid’s young enough to be my son! What the hell is HE gonna teach ME?”

Yikes. Talk about stage fright.

In this situation, what you’re faced with is called Immediate Audience Preoccupation. In other words, the answer to this question: “What skepticisms are running through the minds of my audience members before I open my mouth?”

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to disarm it.

Now, this isn’t just about speeches. This applies to any form of interpersonal communication: conversations, sales presentations, interviews, dates and the like. The following list offers five strategies to disarm immediate audience preoccupation so you can win over skeptical clients and prospects.

Honesty First
My conversation partner’s arms are crossed. He’s questioning my credibility. He’s just waiting for me to prove to him that I’m not the right person for the job.

Tell the truth, tell it all, and tell it now. People will appreciate your honesty, especially when you offer it immediately. What’s more, you will validate the credibility of everything you say thereafter.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: Think Peter from Office Space.

Provide Social Proof
My price is too high. They’re never going to buy. My fee is WAY out of their budget.

Consider sharing testimonials from past clients who have paid the full amount and received outstanding ROI as a result. Instill confidence via social proof that working with you will be worth it.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: Think about the (real) families being interviewed on home security commercials.

You’re Young Enough to be My Kid!
I’m just out of college. Everyone I work with is twice my age. My clients are going to think I’m just some kid.

“A chicken ain’t nuthin’ but a bird,” my Dad always says. Likewise, age is nothing but a number. You’re only as old as you act. Remember, you are a professional. Project maturity. And show (don’t tell) others your accomplishments which have enabled you to achieve success. When they see that you know what you’re doing, they won’t care how old (or young) you are.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: Tiger Woods. I think he won his first major at…um…21?

Do Your Research
This isn’t my industry. This person or audience is completely different than me. I’m clueless about the way they do business.

Google everything. Interview similar people and ask the question, “What’s the one thing I could say to someone in your position that would totally piss them off?” Then say the opposite. Oh, and don’t forget to share your research EARLY. Make people think, “Wow, she did her homework!”

PERFECT EXAMPLE: Any Major League Pitcher Before the Big Game.

It’s Not the Years, It’s the Mileage
I’m new to the industry. I’ve only been working here a few months. I’m the most recent hire in the entire company.

So what. When he was new to the business, Tony Robbins would give three speeches a day for years so he could exponentially increase his speaking ability. My suggestion: take inventory of your experiences and figure out what unique lessons you’ve learned and why those lessons benefit your clients. It’s like Og Mandino said, “Multiply your value.” Remember, people don’t care what you’ve done, they care what you’ve learned.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men.

Look. Every audience (one-to-one, one-to-many) has some form of immediate preoccupation. If you want to communicate effectively and project approachability – on stage, in a meeting or even on a date – your duty is to make your audience feel comfortable and confident by disarming that preoccupation as soon as possible.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What is the most common audience preoccupation you face?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Using these five techniques, come up with 10 different ways to disarm that preoccupation.

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Remove what robs you

Before today’s post gets under way, I just wanted to give a quick shout to all of the haters who posted their uplifting comments (anonymously, of course) on Friday’s post.
I’ve been sick lately, so that really cheered me up! Thanks guys!

Anyhoo…

The first job I had out of college was a bartender. It wasn’t exactly my number one career choice, but I needed money (fast!) to pay for the production of my first book.

Besides, how hard could bartending be, right?

Well, let me tell you how terrible I was: in addition to such blunders as “dropping chunks of cork into a customer’s Merlot” and “accidentally shattering four pint glasses in front of the District Manager,” I was SO bad, that I actually had to consult the Mix Manual to find out what was in a Jack & Coke.

Which made me pretty much the worst bartender in the history of bartenders.

Still, every night I slaved away. And whether I was hurrying around trying to serve drunken customers or frustratingly scraping ABC gum off the underside of the bar, there was only one thought running through my mind:

What the hell am I doing here?! I’ve GOT to get this book done…

I lasted six weeks. (I guess the manager made his first mistake when he hired a bartender who didn’t drink!) And I remember during my exit interview, Clyde said, “Look Scott, it’s just not working out. I’m sure you’ll go on to bigger and better things.”

He was wrong.

Two months later I started my second job out of college as a floor salesman at a discount furniture store. Worst job I ever had in my life. Complaining customers. Pain in ass boss. No money. Killed my lower back.

I lasted a year. And whether I was desperately attempting to sell a $500 loveseat to a family with three crying children or hiding in the men’s bathroom pretending to have a diarrhea so I wouldn’t have to work, there was only one thought I running through my mind:

What the hell am I doing here?! I just want to go home and check my email…

Then, in the summer of 2003, two things happened:

1) I quit my job at the furniture store.
2) I decided to pursue writing books and giving speeches full time.

Unfortunately, I learned that there is VERY little money in this industry when you first start out. Especially if:

• You’re 23 years old
• You have no work experience
• You’re just some guy who walks around wearing a nametag 24-7 to make people friendlier

So, while pursuing my writing/speaking career full time, I took a nights/weekends position as a valet parker at the Ritz Carlton.

This job wasn’t nearly as bad as bartending or slinging couches: the money was good, the networking opportunities were excellent and Ritz Carlton ended up being an awesome company to work for.

I lasted two years. (Maybe it would’ve helped if I knew how to drive stick!) Still, I sucked it up; whether I was running full speed for two straight hours during an 80-car wedding in the 105-degree heat, or standing by the lobby door until 2 AM layered in every piece of clothing I had during the biting cold of a St. Louis January.

And the funny thing is, just like every other job I’d held since college, that same thought kept running through my mind:

What the hell am I doing here?! I should be on the phones trying to book speeches…

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I knew that every minute I’d spent mixing drinks, selling couches or parking cars was robbing me of:

• My true talent
• Chances to further my career
• Time needed to grow my business
• Opportunities to make a name for myself

So, I made a crucial decision. A decision that everyone, at some point in their career, needs to make:

Remove what robs you, embrace what excites you.

And I never looked back. Best professional decision I ever made.

Look: be fair to yourself. Be fair to your talents and gifts. Remove what robs you.

And if you ever find yourself shaking your head and saying, “What the hell am I doing here?!”

…then you’re on the right track.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What job used to rob you?

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Tag: love the haters

7 Ways to Turn Hate Mail into Great Mail

Love the haters

You’re young enough to be my kid!

Remove what robs you