Tag: leadership development

6 Ways to Breathe Possibility into People

Nobody cares what you’ve done.

They only care what you’ve LEARNED – and – how what you’ve learned can be applied to their world in a practical, actionable way.

That’s the secret to being an inspiration to others:

Transforming “How I did” into “How you can.”

As I mentioned in How to become the Most Inspirational Person You Know, the word “inspire” derives from the Latin inspiraire, which means, “to breathe into.”

So, what approachable leaders breathe into people is POSSIBILITY. And whether you’re writing, presenting or working with someone one-on-one, here’s a compendium of practices to help you do so:

1. Accelerate the actionability of your message. “I believe this! I can do this! I want to try this!” That’s what your readers, listeners, viewers, subscribers and audience members need to think after they’ve been exposed to your ideas. That they can take action. So, in order to move from “How I did” to “How you can,” consider compounding your message with action items like:

o An exercise to do that bridges what you said into their unique situation.
o A checklist could to keep people accountable and consistent in the future.
o An assignment that, when they’ve completed it, people will be ready to move forward.
o An equation (algorithm, formula, system, etc.) people can easily plug themselves, their situation or their company into.

BREATHE IN: You words become persuasive the moment someone is compelled to take action as a result of being exposed to them. How actionable are you?

2. Challenge people. Let’s say you’re telling a story about an obstacle you overcame. Either in a conversation, during a presentation or in a piece of writing. Here’s what you do: First, once the story is over, allow it to land. Embrace the pause. This increases the probability that your words profoundly penetrate people.

Then, call to the hearts and minds of your audience by using phrases like, “I invite you to reflect with me,” “Consider this question,” “Plug yourself into the following equation” and “Ask yourself how good you are at these things.”

BREATHE IN: Language like this immediately 180’s the message and moves the story from Me Land to You Land. How challenging are you?

3. Help people. In a few different ways. First, help people absorb and understand what you said. But allow things to unfold at their speed. Do this by becoming a master at letting the pearl sink. Second, help people see their field of possibilities. Ask them how they would coach themselves through this situation.

Do this by asking people Back to the Future Questions. Lastly, help people build long-term, self-generative capabilities. Feed the development of self-reliance. Do this by becoming a listening midwife, that is, helping others give birth to their own understanding.

BREATHE IN: Let people lead themselves. What are you helping people do?

4. Throw people lifelines. If you’re a leader, odds are, you’re not normal. And don’t worry – this isn’t a bad thing. The only challenge is making sure your message stays relevant and relatable. Otherwise “How you did” is perceived as “How the hell am I supposed to?”

For example, I’m a writer. That’s what I do. That’s my occupation. And, sure: I’m also a speaker, coach, consultant and entrepreneur. But writing is my occupation inasmuch as it occupies most of my workday. As such, I spend four to seven hours writing, every day.

Four to seven hours.

Now, upon hearing such a number, most think, “Good god. Four to seven hours? But I don’t have that kind of time to write!” And naturally, I respect that. Because it would be ridiculous to expect my clients, workshop attendees and readers to invest that kind of time each day.

So, I challenge people to start with fifteen minutes a day. That’s it. If you do the math, that comes out to 1/100th of your daily allotted time. (I don’t think that’s asking too much!) In fact, when I started my career as a writer in 2002, fifteen minutes was the unit of writing time I started out with. And if I can do it, so can you.

That’s a perfect example of a lifeline. You inspire others to function at a higher level by telling them to take action things in the context of their unique situation. You breathe life into people’s hopes and dreams by meeting them where they are.

BREATHE IN:Don’t run the risk of people thinking, “Oh, but I could never do that…” What lifeline could you throw them?

5. Democratize your experiences. Open the curtain. Simplify and demystify your message. First, ask yourself questions like, “What is the universal human emotion here?” “How could what I endured relate TO (and offer help FOR) people who aren’t like me?” and “What lessons are inherent within my experience that anybody could apply to their own life?

This line of thinking builds a generic equation your followers can plug themselves into. Second, answer those questions with nuggets, keepers, pebbles, one-liners and other digestible forms of wisdom. Third, you physically write those answers down. And fourth, you articulate those chunks of wisdom to stick the landing of the message you’re delivering.

BREATHE IN: Move people’s hearts and engage their capacity to dream. How democratic is your message?

6. Inspire others with a vision of what they can contribute. Reflect their reality. Show them what they know. Make them aware of their abundant, inherent treasures. One way to do this is to offer your attention and acknowledgment of another person’s contributions to your worldview.

For example, after having a conversation with someone, type out your notes into a bullet-point list. Then email your keepers to that person later that day. Not only does it prove you were listening, not only does it honor the other person, but it helps people see the brilliance they didn’t realize they possessed.

BREATHE IN: Inspire people to continue contributing in their own unique way. How do you reflect genius back to others?

– – –

REMEMBER: The secret to inspiring people isn’t sharing what you’ve done, but rather, what you’ve learned.

AND, the practical application of what you’ve done to their unique situation.

Otherwise “How I did” morphs into “How the hell am I supposed to?”

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How actionable, relatable and translatable is your message?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “7 Ways to Radically Raise Receptivity of Those You Serve,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

Are you wasting your audience’s time?

Here’s the most dangerous thought your audience members could EVER have:

“Why did I even bother coming to this?”

I learned this lesson after a recent presentation with the American Advertising Federation.

No, I didn’t bomb. Actually, one of my audience members shared a piece of feedback I’d never heard before, but one I’d never forget:

“Scott, what I appreciated most about your presentation was that you never wasted our time.”

Huh. That’s interesting. Never really thought of it that way.

But it makes perfect sense.

HERE’S THE REALITY CHECK: Time is currency. People are busy. And they don’t care about you.

I’m not saying they don’t like you. I’m sure you’re a very interesting, intelligent person.

But self-interest is a powerful force. And whether you’re a salesperson, speaker, writer, entertainer or leader, the last thing you want to do is deliver your message in a way that’s perceived as a waste of people’s time.

Whether you’re faced with one hundred, one thousand– or just one guy sitting across the table – consider these eight strategies for helping YOUR audience get the maximum mileage out of the presentation:

1. What would YOU do? Let’s start with an experiment. First, make a list of three experiences where you watched a movie, attended an event or sat in the audience of a performance and thought to yourself, “Wow. This is a TOTAL waste of my time.”

Next, write down the attributes that contributed to the meaninglessness of each presentation. Then, be honest. Ask yourself if you’re guilty of embodying any of those attributes while YOU present. If not, rock on! If yes, no worries. Consider using that list as an audit to help you prevent wasting people’s time in the future. How boring are you?

2. Put your material to the test. As you prepare your presentation, run each if your ideas, stories, points, statistics, quotations and illustration through the “Nobody Cares about You Test.” It’s pretty simple. Just ask yourself:

“Is this piece of material meaningful (appeals to self-interest) concrete (meat, not fluff) and immediate (actionable and applicable)?”

If not, throw it out. Because if the audience’s answer to what you say is, “Who cares?” you lose. And so do they. Are you speaking with Meaningful Concrete Immediacy?

3. Challenge people to get lost. Here’s a hard truth to swallow: People will forget 99% of the stuff you say during your presentation. But what they WILL remember is what they said to THEMSELVES while listening to what you said.

Your mission is to send people on mental journeys. To help them get productively lost. Now, I’m not suggesting you encourage them to start text messaging during your speech. Instead, remind your audience up front to take notes on what they hear themselves say. Are you helping your audience members listen to themselves?

4. Be scary good. Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters said it best: “When I’m playing a show, my number one goal is to make sure nobody in my audience looks at their watch.” Now, if you’ve ever seen those guys in concert before, you better believe they accomplish that goal during every gig. Because they’re just THAT good. They give their audience permission to be taken over by their performance.

Here are the two best strategies for constant audience captivation:

(a) Get off the stage and walk around the room. People will have no choice but to pay attention to you.
(b) Talk to individual people. As if your speech was a conversation. Look them straight in the eyes.

When you do this, everyone in the room will be engaged. Because when you focus the attention on one; you capture the attention of all. Are your audience members looking at their watches?

5. The slide show isn’t your girlfriend. Having a relationship with the slide and reading it is an insult to the audience’s intelligence. Do this and I guarantee they will both look at their watches AND ask themselves why the hell they bothered to come to your presentation in the first place. Total waste of time.

Your screen is a reference point – not a Magic Eye poster. If you find yourself looking at your slides for more than five seconds, you have too much information on your slides.

Remember: No more than ten words. You should be using mainly pictures anyway. Would your spouse be jealous of the affair you’re having with your PowerPoint?

6. Practice non-rambling spontaneity. Build space in your presentation for the unexpected. Comments. Arguments. Hecklers. They’re all good things. Just let them happen. Welcome useful audience digressions. Some of the best stuff is the stuff you never planned on saying.

At the same time, beware of going off on some eye-rolling tangent that instantly encourages people to start checking their email on their iPhones. Listen closely to what your audience isn’t telling you. Because they might be silently saying, “Dude, we GOT it. Move on to the next point.” Are you enabling the organic without beating dead horses?

7. Save self-gratification for the bathroom. There’s nothing wrong with getting a little personal in your presentation. Nor is it a mistake to share vulnerability from the stage to help build credibility. After all, intimacy via self-disclosure IS what builds trust and receptivity in your audience.

Just remember: There’s huge difference between personalizing and masturbating. One builds an approachable connection with the audience. The other is an ego-driven parade of self-indulgence that your audience can see coming from a mile down the street. No pun in intended.

Your challenge is to honesty gauge whether or not what you’re about to say is (actually) going to improve your audience’s condition, of it’s just going to help YOU maintain an erection. Whom are you (really) giving this speech for?

8. Entertaining, educating and inspiring aren’t enough. If you truly want to maximize every minute of your audience’s time, you need to DISTURB them. I don’t suggest gratuitously showing a bunch of sensationalist pictures to prove your point. Rather, consider embedding emotion into everything. EVERYTHING.

The word “disturb” actually comes from the same Latin derivative as “emotion.” So, your job is to elicit physiological reactions: Audible gasps. Extended laughs. Jaw drops. High fives. Head turns. Forehead slaps. Get the picture?

Your presentation must run the gamut on the emotional spectrum. Topic notwithstanding, your words need to make people mad, sad, glad and rad. Remember: Your audience’s bodies will never lie to you. Emotion is the final arbiter of the effectiveness of your presentation. How are you disturbing people?

In conclusion, I’d like to share an experience of attending a presentation that wasted MY time, along with what I learned from it.

In 2006 I attended a program called “How to Create Promo Videos that Make You More Bookable.” Sounds like a cool session, right?

Well, it would have been. But the speaker, Diane, spent the first TWENTY minutes (of a sixty-minute program) playing nothing but clips of her own clients. And even though her videos were cool to watch, that wasn’t the reason I came to her session. It was billed as “How to Create,” not, “Hey Look What I Created!”

For the record, I thought about saying something. But then I totally chickened out. Wimp.

The guy next to me, on the other hand, didn’t.

Right around minute twenty-one of Diane’s Self-Promotional All You Can Eat Buffet, he jolted up with fire in her eyes. And in the middle of her presentation, he flat out yelled, “Excuse me, Diane? Are actually going to tell us HOW to make a video, or just shamelessly self-promote for the remaining forty minutes?”

Dead silence. Even MY draw dropped to the floor – and I give speeches for a living.

The speaker was dumfounded. And I couldn’t wait to see how she was about to handle the situation.

Eventually, after fumbling over a few words, Diane apologized. She even laughed a little. Because she KNEW that she’d screwed up as the presenter. Naturally, she stopped the videotape, turned up the house lights and delved into the meat of her presentation about HOW to make the video.

HERE’S THE FINAL QUESTION: Do you think the Diane ever won the audience back?

Nope. It was too late. The speaker had already wasted twenty minutes of everyone’s time. And when you’re at an out of town conference that you paid seven hundred dollars to attend, that’s unforgivable.

HERE’S THE FINAL LESSON: As the speaker, you have a responsibility to make an improvement on the energy in the room. To enlarge the people sitting in it. And to assure that when people walk out of that room, they’re better off in some way.

Never waste your audience’s time.

If you do, they won’t invite you back next time.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are your audience members wondering why they bothered to come?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “234 Things I’ve Learned about Writing, Delivering and Marketing Speeches,” send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Download a free copy of The Nametag Guy’s (unofficial) 9th book!

HELLO, my name is Scott’s…
“Live your name.”

6 Ways to be More Followable Than Ashton Kutcher on Twitter

“Why doesn’t anybody follow me on Twitter? This sucks!”

Wait a sec. Holster your finger there, buster.

LET ME ASK YA THIS: Have you considered the possibility that you’re not a followable person?

Ouch. Maybe that’s the real problem.

HERE’S THE REALITY: Whatever leadership role you hold – teacher, boss, blogger, tweeter, pastor or parent – being approachable is about increasing the probability that people will follow you.

And by “follow you” I mean that people will listen TO, learn FROM and be inspired BY you.

Here are six ways to become more followable TODAY:

1. Help people fall in love with themselves. First, by falling in love with YOUR self. This allows people to see firsthand what it’s like when someone honors their Truth. And that experience is inspiring because it grants people permission to do (and BE) the same.

Also, remember that being a followable person is about how people experience themselves when they’re with you. So, make them feel better off having communicated with you. Pinpoint the beauty that they’re too close to themselves to taste.

That’s what being an inspirational person is: Breathing into people a reflection of their awesomeness. How are people changed after having a conversation with you? Are people diminished, unaffected, or enlarged after their encounter with you? And what would happen if everyone who walked away from you was inspired to lead with her truth more frequently?

2. Learn by what you have LIVED, then teach people. Followable people know that orthodoxy (the right beliefs) is exponentially more powerful that orthopraxy (the right practices). After all: People aren’t inspired to follow you because of what they HEAR you SAY consistently – only what they SEE you DO consistently.

So, followable people don’t practice what they preach – they preach what they practice. In the words of my inspiring friend/mentor Jim Henderson: “Action changes everything. We need to major in practices and minor in principles. Practices are attitudes that translate directly into actions.”

If you want to increase the probability of people following you, try this: Do something first, THEN tell people about. Do something first, THEN tell people what you learned. Do something first, THEN challenge people to do the same. Is the message you’re preaching the dominant reality of your life? How deep is the gap between your onstage performance and your backstage reality? And how inspiring is someone who just believes a bunch of stuff, yet takes no action?

3. Make certain people regularly experience you in your element. Windsurfing. Baking. Fixing cars. Solving math problems. Riding horses. Being a Mom. Selling hot dogs to drunken Cardinal fans at the Busch Stadium. Whatever. Pinpoint your natural state of magnificence, and then stay there for as long as you can.

It doesn’t matter what you’re amazing at. When people get the chance to see you being you, doing what you do best, it will always be inspirational. And it will be impossible for them to escape your awesomeness. How could you not follow someone like that?

The secret is to seek out situations that vividly reveal your passions, and then made sure LOTS of people are watching. Do that and they WILL come with you. How often are you in your element? How often is there at least one person watching? And how are you constantly expanding your platform on which to display your gifts?

4. Marinate people in your world. Give them insight into how you operate. Show them how you think. Take them on a tour of You Land. Then, while you’re there, show them that you feel sufficiently complete and whole within yourself. Slowly, this will allow that same space to open up in them.

Then, they will experience themselves as being better, stronger and more beautiful by virtue of your inspirational presence. And that will enable them to follow you. When people listen to your life, what do they hear? What do people get when they get you? And how many people regularly see the most inspirational aspect of your life?

5. Pepper in ordinariness. One of the problems with so-called “inspirational” people is that they’re completely unrelatable. No disrespect to Oprah, but come on. Nobody can relate to her. I don’t care how “regular” she claims to be on her show. Oprah is a cyborg from planet Zoltar, and she does not live in a world of reality.

Therefore: Unless you regularly exert your ordinariness, people wall have a hard time following you. There must be a balance between being admirable; yet relatable. Not being utterly boring; yet not being terminally unique. How well do you merge ordinariness with remarkability? Do the people you follow and listen to ever screw up? Doesn’t it make you want to follow them more when they do?

6. Stick yourself out there. Ultimately, leaders ante up first. They take the first step to inspire others to do the same. So, try this exercise: Think of five people that YOU follow. Or listen to. Or allow yourself to be influenced by. On a scale of 1-10, how willing to risk were those people? My guess: Very. Because that’s what inspirational people do – they stick themselves out there.

In the words of my inspiring, followable colleague, David “Rise to the Top” Garland, “Inspiration correlates with risk. Those that take (some sort of) risk are perceived as inspirational because they’re just regular people who did something remarkable.”

That’s the cool part. We’re not just talking about physical risk like bungee jumping or wearing a Cowboys jersey to an Eagles game. Sticking yourself out there is an emotional risk. It’s about walking your truth in a world of mostly fiction. And that’s what inspires people to walk THEIR Truth right behind you. What risks are you comfortable taking? What truth are you ready to live? And what dream in you that could inspire others would cause you deep regret if you never took the risk to go for it?

REMEMBER: You can’t make people follow you.

All you can do is increase the probability by making yourself more followable.

Do that, and people will listen TO, learn FROM and be inspired BY you.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How are you making yourself more followable?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “7 Ways to Radically Raise Receptivity of Those You Serve,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

How to Kiss Your Leader of the Year Award Goodbye

We’ve been exploring the impending dangers of unapproachable leaders in part 1 and part 2 of this three-part series.

Today, let’s finish up with a collection of practical strategies to circumvent a few more of those dangers. Specifically, how people feel walking away from you:

1. When you’re unapproachable, people walk away with self-esteem damage. Because when you don’t respond objectively, openly and curiously to their ideas, people feel less intelligent after talking to you.

Eventually, they find themselves not wanting to talk to you. And sadly, people will almost feel at peace or relieved if they haven’t talked to you in a while. All because you never took the time to consider “how you leave people.”

QUESTION: What invisible walls have your close-minded attitudes built?
STRATEGY: Learn how to leave a positive imprint on everyone you meet.

2. When you’re unapproachable, people walk away feeling deflated. And they’ll feel that things are hopeless after being around you. This corrodes motivation and hampers commitment. Which lowers their performance. Which heightens animosity. Which makes loyalty vanish. Yikes.

QUESTION: How often do you inspire people to inspire themselves?
STRATEGY: Help people fall in love with themselves by practicing Namaste.

3. When you’re unapproachable, people walk away emotionally numb. Because they were never given permission to relax, be their true selves and exert their distinctiveness. They were forced into compliance. They were haphazardly labeled ENFJ and then stored in a nice little, predictable box. This is what happens if people feel constantly judged by you.

Or if you take issue or ague with everything they say. They perceive your value system to be SO opposed that your ego won’t allow you to listen to them. Eventually, they won’t bother approaching you at all. And that’s when you, as a leader, miss out on their valuable ideas, opportunities and feedback.

QUESTION: How often do you overlook people who might offer meaningful ideas?
STRATEGY: Learn the difference between exploration and accusation.

4. People will walk away feeling devalued. Especially if you didn’t monopolize the listening and make them feel essential. And eventually, they might start asking themselves, “Why do I even bother talking to him anyway?”

QUESTION: How do people experience themselves in relation to you?
STRATEGY: Learn how to make people feel essential.

5. People walk aware worse. Kind of the opposite of the outdoor rule, “Leave the camp sight better than the way you found it.” In this case, people are in a bad mood after being around you.

Which kind of makes them NOT want to be around you very often. And, when they ARE around you, it results in curt communication underscored by a lack of mindfulness because all they’re thinking about his how badly they want the conversation to be over.

QUESTION: Are people diminished, unaffected, or enlarged after their encounter with you?
STRATEGY: Decide how you would like people to experience you.

6. When you’re unapproachable, people walk away having missed opportunities for growth. Without mental flexibility and openness, here’s what happens: People stop learning, which means people stop growing, which means people start dying. Yikes. Not good for business.

QUESTION: How do you add value to people?
STRATEGY: Become a Value Adding Machine by learning the two most important words for listening louder: Take notes.

REMEMBER: The only judgment your people can (honestly) make about you is how interacting with you makes them FEEL.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if YOU think you’re approachable – it only matters if you’re perceived and remembered as being approachable by the people you serve.

If not, I guarantee your organization WILL suffer.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How is being unapproachable hurting your organization?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “7 Ways to Radically Raise Receptivity of Those You Serve,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

How to Close the Gap between Your Onstage Performance and Backstage Reality

I have three questions for you:

1. Are the stories people tell about you the same stories you tell about yourself?

2. What’s the gap between how you want to be seen and how others experience you now?

3. And how does that gap between your onstage performance and your backstage reality affect the daily lives of the people you serve?

Frustrated by your own answers?

That’s not entirely surprising. As Stanley Bing explained in Zen and the Art of Managing Up, “The distance between what you believe you are and the actual reality of your true nature will make you angry.”

Here are few suggestions for narrowing that gap:

1. Allow your truthful self-expression to inspire others to do (and BE) the same. Because when you applaud the gifts of YOU, you are able to applaud the gifts of those around you.

2. Let people experience that they can change your mind. Sometimes we’re too close to the parts of ourselves that drive other people crazy. As Robert Sutton suggests in The No Asshole Rule, “Stop doing things that provoke people who don’t know you well to mislabel you as a jerk.”

3. Listen careful to how people describe the way they experience OTHER people. Then, ask yourself how well – or how poorly – you’re performing in those same areas. Use others’ behaviors as mirrors to reflect your own image back to yourself. List them out, identify the attributes and then begin to embody or eliminate them in your own life.

4. Make people feel essential. People feel more comfortable around those who make them feel good about themselves. Period. So, in addition to making people feel valuable and important and special, you also need to go out of your way to make them feel essential. Like you couldn’t imagine (not) having them around. Like you don’t know where you’d be without them. Like the organization would crumble to the ground without their unique contributions. Essential. And you do so by simultaneously applauding everybody’s brilliance AND tolerating everybody’s liabilities.

5. Share comments that honor the other person’s unique feelings, thoughts and emotions. However you respond, just make sure there’s an undercurrent that communicates, “This is how I truly feel about what you’ve just offered me.”

6. Stay sensitive to this person’s immediate experience of you. People rarely forget how you treated them the last time. Therefore: Everything is a performance, everything matters and everybody is watching.

REMEMBER: Being approachable isn’t enough. You need to be perceived as being approachable as well.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How will you close the gap between your onstage performance and backstage reality?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “33 Daily Practices for Boosting Your Managerial Magnetism,” send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

How do I approach the office bully?

Every science class you’ve ever taken in your life will confirm the following biological truism:

What feeds, grows. What starves, dies.

The secret is to show bullies that you’re not an easy target. Ideally, they’ll eventually become tired and move on.

If you don’t, taking their bait is letting them get away with it. Growing up with an older brother, I can attest to that.

Bullies want attention and a reaction from you. And if you don’t give it to them, they can’t win. Because reactions feed mean people. That’s what they want.

So, instead of getting sucked into their vortex, consider these suggestions:

1. Preface and reciprocate. An excellent technique from The Verbal Art of Self-Defense is to say, “OK, let’s talk about this. You go first and I won’t interrupt. Then when you’re done, I’ll see if I have any questions.” Wow.

2. Ask for clarity. This will frustrate the person who relies on clouding every interaction to feel in control. Try asking, “Can you give me a specific example of that?” Odds are, they can’t.

3. Change the pattern. If you don’t give him the response he expects, you will disrupt his rhythm and break his patterns. This is best way to get someone’s attention. Then, as a result, HE will have to react for once. Ha!

4. Yuk it up. The secret to taking the sting out of potentially threatening remarks is found within your own humor. Especially when it’s used in a safe and unassuming way, this keeps you at protective distance that can’t be breached.

For example, if someone comments, “Ginsberg, you’re such an idiot! You can’t do anything right! What do you have to say for yourself?” you might respond, “Oh, you’re just jealous…” or, if you prefer a more extreme response, “Hey! It’s not my fault my mother ‘experimented’ with crack while she was pregnant with me!”

Such humorous comments prevent the launch of your biochemical “fight or flight” stress response. Most importantly, they allow you to remain in control, to remain intelligent and to preserve the dignity others will attempt to take away.

5. Don’t show a tolerance for interruptions. Get people back on track by counting behaviors and making them aware of their conversational narcissism. Here’s a handy guide I published about how to handle the office interrupter.

6. Remember that clueless people don’t want to see clues. Jerks are defensive, and being defensive means they’re afraid of letting new ideas into their mind. The secret is to drop hints, not bombs. Introduce clues slowly and give them time to respond.

7. Reframe their nastiness. In the book How to Make Piece with Anyone, author David Lieberman suggests the following language: “Thanks for telling me. Most people would be afraid to tell me because they think I’d get all upset and defensive. Where did you learn so much about (X)? How would YOU have handled it? You have such great (X) – I wish you’d tell me your secret.”

This response pattern works for several reasons. First, it’s complimentary. And gratitude diffuses defensiveness. Second, it proves that you’re not taking ownership of the other person’s emotions. Third, it appeals to the other person’s ego (which is exactly what they want anyway) by asking for their expertise. Remember: Don’t defend and don’t complain against it.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you approach the office bully?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “26 Rapid-Fire Strategies for becoming the Most Approachable Person in Your Organization,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

If they can’t come UP to you; how will they ever get BEHIND you?

Buy Scott’s new book and learn daily practices for becoming a more approachable manager!

Pick up your copy (or a case!) right here.

Nine Ways to Leave a Legacy of Openness

1. Accept bad news without the need for sugarcoating. That way, your people can give it to you straight. They can feel comfortable reporting negative information without the fear of being reamed by your emotional reactivity.

So, if you want this to happen, you have to demonstrate that you support failure. And a great place to start is by sharing a few of your own screw-ups FIRST. Sometimes that’s all the permission people need. Do you respond well to good and bad news?

2. Acknowledge others’ contributions to your worldview. Let people know their thinking has affected you. Here’s how:

(1) Show them the notes you took when you were listening to them
(2) Tell them how you recently quoted them during another conversation
(3) Share with them the insights you’ve stumbled upon after being inspired by something they said.

That should do the trick! Who’s toggling your brain?

3. Allow nothing to be meaningless in your sight. Ideas. Problems. Experiences. And especially people. They’re ALL good to you. They all have value. They all serve a purpose.

Because your attitude is: Everything matters. Everything has meaning. Everyone teaches you. Remember: Unconditional Positive Regard. What do you see when you see people?
4. Allow your stories to be open to new interpretation. When you tell a story, follow these steps. First, pause when you’re finished. Give the people listening to you the space they need to process and contribute.

Next, let feedback in. Listen. Consider new lessons you could have learned from the story. Play with newfound applicability. Then, write these new interpretations down. And thank people for adding value to your experience by saying, “I never would have thought of that!” or “Cool! Another lesson.” Are your stories up for discussion?

5. Ask for time to think about what they have said. This is another great move for making space in the conversation. It also prevents foot in mouth disease by buying you some time to process.

That way you can react less and respond more. What’s more, it builds a sense of curiosity and excitement in the mind of the listener, making you more listenable. Remember: Don’t be so quick to rush into the silence. How do you answer questions?

6. Be a rock people can count on. That means stillness. That means emotional objectivity. That means listening with the ears of your heart. That means not interrupting, fixing, judging or taking over the conversations. That also means staying solid to your core and reflecting people’s realities back to them so they can process their own solutions. Whom are you a rock to?

7. Develop the capacity for self-observation. Become the audience of your own drama, not just the actor. That way you can better understand how people experience you, as well as how they experience themselves when they’re with you. What side of the stage are you on?

8. Disagreeing is tolerable – disagreeing without proposing solutions isn’t. Think of it as a Positivity Ratio: Every time you disagree, promise yourself and your team that you’ll always bring two or three solutions along with you. That keeps receptivity high. Are your disagreements derailments or springboards?

9. Don’t be threatened by people who are smarter than you. Otherwise you’ll end up keeping people around you that are inadequate so you feel better about yourself. And that only leads to poor performance. Are you willing to be the dumbest guy in the room?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What will be your legacy of openness?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “71 Words Employees Never Want to Hear Their Manager Say,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

How to Gauge Your Entrepreneurial Readiness

When you’re willing to put it all on the line for something. That’s when you’re ready.

When you find yourself constantly asking yourself, “What the hell am I still doing here?” That’s when you’re ready.

When a stagnant existence in the throws of mediocrity no longer fulfills you. That’s when you’re ready.

When you’ve worked so long and hard on something that you actually become sick of that thing. That’s when you’re ready.

When you’ve built a strong enough foundation of inner resources to support you when YOUR economy inevitably starts to crumble. That’s when you’re ready.

When people start to recognize you at airports in other cities. That’s when you’re ready.

When you’ve built a platform that’s strong enough and following that’s large enough. That’s when you’re ready.

When the message you’ve been preaching starts to become the dominant reality of your life. That’s when you’re ready.

When you have no idea WHAT the hell you’re doing (or HOW you’re going to do it) – but know WHY you’re going to do it. That’s when you’re ready.

When three (or more) moments of synchronicity occur within a short period of time. That’s when you’re ready.

When you can’t possibly imagine spending another 14-hour day sitting alone in that goddamn cubicle. That’s when you’re ready.

When you no longer have to ask Google if you’re ready. That’s when you’re ready.

When you spend more time thinking about what it would be like if you owned your own company rather than how you benefit your current company. That’s when you’re ready.

When you’re willing to make yourself uncomfortable and dramatically reprioritize your life. That’s when you’re ready.

When you realize that whether or not you’re “ready” is irrelevant. That’s when you’re ready.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you ready?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “54 Questions Every Entrepreneur Should Ask,” send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Who’s quoting YOU?

Check out Scott’s Online Quotation Database for a bite-sized education on branding success!

www.stuffscottsaid.com.

How to be an Imperfectionist

About once a month, I get an email from a reader who kindly points out a typo in one of my books.

This, in my opinion, is a victory. Because at least I know somebody’s reading. Other than my mother.

And part of me wishes I’d thought to include those typos intentionally, just for the purpose of measuring readership. But I didn’t. The typos are there (not because I’m savvy), but because I’m imperfect.

Even after writing nine books. Somehow, one or two always manage to squeeze by in each one. Dang it.

But I’m cool with that. Perfection is overrated anyway.

THEREFORE: Exerting your imperfect humanity is a hallmark of approachability.

In the words of U.S. Anderson, author of The Magic in Your Mind:

“When imperfectness enters a man’s soul, he is able to show that he does not live alone in the world, but with millions of others, in whose hearts exists the same animating spirit.”

What about you?
Are you willing to be an Imperfectionist?

If so, consider these practices for implementing a little imperfection into your daily life…

1. Learn to thrive in shades of gray. Learn to walk the halls with an attitude of confident uncertainty. Ellen Langer explains the power of this practice in Mindfulness:

“You’re confident that the job will get done, but without being certain of exactly the best way of doing it. This gives employees more room to be creative, alert and self-starting; plus, risk taking becomes less risky.”

It’s about increasing your tolerance for ambiguity. It’s about not reaching for ready-made replies. And it’s about asking questions you don’t know the answer to. Are you confidently uncertain?

2. Don’t be at war with HOW when you should be in love with WHY. You don’t have to know what you’re doing. You don’t have to know where you’re going. You don’t have to know how you’re going to get there.

You just need to move – and you need to know WHY you’re moving. Lesson learned: Just keep starting. The finishing will take care of itself. If there even IS a finish line. Which there isn’t. Are you stopped by not knowing how?

3. Forego superficiality and, just for once, try being real. Here’s the deal: Honesty makes you vulnerable. And vulnerability reinforces your humanity because human beings are, by their very nature, imperfect.

Yes, it takes significantly more work to walk your truth. Especially in a world of (mostly) fiction. But, as my Aunt Vicki once told me, “If everything is perfect, somebody isn’t being honest.” What social mask are you willing to retire?

4. Trust that people want the real you. In Writing for Your Life, Deena Metzger explains that “beauty appears when something is completely and absolutely and openly itself.”

Similarly, you need to believe that people really DO want the best, most honest, most imperfect version of you. And if they don’t, you need to believe that that’s cool, too. But if that’s the case, now might be a good time to walk away. Which version of you do you think people want?

5. Allow unguarded moments. Who knows? Maybe now is the chance to screw up royally because you’ve been too perfect lately. Don’t worry: When you open the door to your imperfect nature and remove that which blocks the path of truth, the selfhood on which you stand will support you.

And, the awareness and honesty of your imperfections – ugly and terrifying as they may be – will set you free. Well, either that, or your secretary will call the police. What if you laid your weapons down, just for one round?

6. Stop trying to be a leader. Instead, exert your passion fueled by your purpose. Instead, make your life a work of art. Instead, become a living brochure of your own awesomeness. If you do these things – and do them IM-perfectly – people will follow. As Warren Bennis reminds us in On Becoming a Leader:

“No leader sets out to be a leader. People set out to live their lives, expressing themselves fully. Then, when that expression is of value, they become leaders. The point is not to become a leader. The point is to become yourself, to use yourself completely – all your skills, gifts and energies – in order to make your vision manifest.”

Wow. The un-leader approach. I like it. In what situations do you inhibit your own authentic self-expression?

7. Don’t criticize imperfections. This increases the probability of people thinking to themselves, “Thank you for treating me like a human being.” The challenge is learning to tolerate a reasonable amount of error. Otherwise people will perceive you as an unimpeachable leader with unrealistic expectations.

My suggestion: Stay away from the attitude personified by Dilbert’s Pointy Haired Boss, who regularly requests, “Read my mind and then recommend the decision I’ve already decided on.” What would happen to your career if you were known as the biggest imperfectionist in your company?

8. Leave room for yourself (and others) to be imperfect. Stop trying to convince everyone you encounter that you’re invincible, unbreakable and infallible. Approachable means bustable. Approachable means crackable. Approachable means surrendering to your imperfections.

Instead of pulling a Lady Macbeth and screaming, “Out, damned spot!” learn to say, “Hallelujah, blessed spot!” Come on. Even The Death Star had a weakness. And that thing was freaking HUGE.

Remember: Endorsing your own weakness establishes your acceptance of the imperfect humanness of others. Are you willing to abandon yourself to your own (and others’) inadequacies?

REMEMBER: Perfectionism is procrastination. Perfectionism blocks inventiveness. Perfectionism stains communication. And perfectionism slaughters playfulness.

Exerting your imperfect humanity, on the other hand, is one of the hallmarks of being an approachable leader.

In conclusion, when it comes to being an imperfectionist, let us remember Leonard Cohen’s famous tune, Anthem, in which he sang:

“Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a few manuscript typos to corrrrect for my next book.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you willing to be an Imperfectionist?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “23 Ways to Bring More of Yourself to Any Situation,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

If they can’t come UP to you; how will they ever get BEHIND you?

Buy Scott’s new book and learn daily practices for becoming a more approachable manager!

Pick up your copy (or a case!) right here.

Get Rid of Your Reputation for Being an Unapproachable Boss Once and for All!

This month we’ve been exploring the “Impending Dangers of Inapproachability.”

In part one, you examined five early warning signs.

Today, let’s talk about how people might feel interacting with you if you are unapproachable:

1. People will be on guard around you. Because they feel tense. Self-conscious. Afraid to offend you. Walking on eggshells. Hesitant to set off your emotions.

And the mental energy they expend on those fear-based thoughts (1) robs them of their ability to be true, (2) prevents them from offering full information, and (3) scares them away from sharing what’s most important. What questions are your employees afraid to ask you?

STRATEGY: At the end of your meetings, try asking, “What questions did I NOT ask that you were hoping I WOULD ask?”

2. People will be at a loss of words around you. Because you make them nervous. Because you don’t give them permission. Because you aren’t making communication a relaxing experience. How easy is it for people to open up around you?

STRATEGY: Learn to influence and inspire through imperfection and inadequacy.

3. People will feel like a non-person around you. Especially if unnecessary titles prevent them from getting to know each other authentically. Also, if unspoken hierarchies exist, take caution. This hampers the freedom of expression and creates psychological distance between people. No matter how “open” (you say) your door really is. Are you treating people like people, or statistics?

STRATEGY: Lead with your person and follow with your profession. Put values before vocation, individuality before industry and personality before profession.

4. People will feel tense or nervous around you. Which causes them stress. Which corrodes their health. Which impairs their positive attitude. Which lowers their overall performance. Which loses the company money. Do you bring peace or drama to other people’s lives?

STRATEGY: Learn how to incorporate deep breathing into everything you do. I suggest reading Eric Maisel’s Ten Zen Seconds. Changed my life forever.

5. People will hold (mostly) shallow interactions. And your communication topics will always remain superficial. Nobody will ever get to the heart of any important issues because they’re holding back, unsure about how you might react. As a result, very little ever gets accomplished. Do you really think asking about traffic or the weather is an effective conversation starter?

STRATEGY: Ask Passion Finding Questions (PFQ) like, “What was the best part
about your weekend?” and “What keeps you busy when you’re not working here?”

6. People will perceive interactions with as being longer. And, therefore, uncomfortable. As such, most interactions will end prematurely because people will want to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. Ultimately, this reputation will contaminate the space that surrounds you. How could you make the time spent with you seem shorter?

STRATEGY: Hold meetings in which everybody is standing up. Instantly cuts the perceived meeting time spent in half.

– – –

REMEMBER: The only judgment your people can (honestly) make about you is how interacting with you makes them FEEL.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if YOU think you’re approachable – it only matters if you’re perceived and remembered as being approachable by the people you serve.

If not, I guarantee your organization WILL suffer.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How is being unapproachable hurting your organization?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “71 Words Employees Never Want to Hear Their Manager Say,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

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