When you label, you judge.
When you judge, you react.
When you react, you’re unconscious.

And being unconscious is unhealthy.

It’s also unapproachable. And if you hold ANY form of leadership position, this is a dangerous place to be.

Here’s a list of five practices for judging less and accepting more…

1. Minimize emotional reactivity. The word “emotion” comes from the Latin emotere, which means, “To disturb.”

Yep. This TOTALLY makes sense.

Emotional Reactivity is contagious, which increases conversational tension.
Emotional Reactivity creates defensiveness, which decreases the likelihood of someone opening up further.

So, if you’re freaking out about something, odds are, the other person isn’t very relaxed. What is this emotion preventing you from learning?

2. Begin without judgment. That means using judgment-free, label-free language.

In the words of Eckhart Tolle, “When you look at it or hold it and let it be without imposing a label on it, its essence silently communicates itself to you and reflects your own essence back to you.”

How would you treat people if you weren’t trying so hard to change them?

3. Listen to who you are before responding. An audience member of mine suggested this during a recent workshop. Blew the entire group away.

What a concept! Can you imagine how honest, how authentic and how approachable people would be if they remembered to do this in their conversations? Man. Listen to who you are before responding. It bears repeating. Are you listening to yourself first?

4. Understand people better. It starts with maintaining an attitude of curiosity. That means exploration, not accusation; fascination, not frustration. Becoming insanely interested in why people do and say what they do and say.

Then, it continues with patient listening. That means questioning. That means pausing. That means listening (and hearing) people’s language patterns and conversational tendencies.

Finally, it means clarifying. Asking people if what you’ve interpreted is what they meant to communicate. Why are you listening?

5. Ignore people’s titles. President? CFO? Receptionist? Janitor? Who the hell cares! The only label people should ever be called by is their name. Because they’re a human being. That’s it.

Titles alienate people. Titles are overrated. Next time someone asks you something like, “So then, are you a Buddhist?” reply with, “Nope, I’m a human!” What unnecessary title is preventing people from getting to know the REAL you?

REMEMBER: Less judging; more accepting.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What is preventing you from attending to this person objectively?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “37 Personal Leadership Questions Guaranteed to Shake Your Soul,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

If you want to grow bigger ears, remember these four words:

Let THEM say it.

Even if you have the answer.
Even if you’re totally right.
Even if what needs to be said is SO obvious.

Let them say it.

Think of yourself as a “Listening Midwife.” Your job is to assist people in giving birth to their own understanding.

As The Listener, you’re trying to uncover truth together. So, the challenge is to give people a chance to peel back another layer of intentions, desires and feelings. The challenge is to lead them down the road to understanding. The challenge is to stay neutral so your objectivity enables people to discover their own solutions and, ultimately, lead themselves.

AND HERE’S THE BEST PART: When you “let them say it,” a few cool things happen…

First:
Their answer is more rich.
Their answer is more right.
Their answer is more precise.
Their answer is more accurate.
Their answer is more expeditious.
Their answer is more THEIRS.

Second:
You help them access their own ideas.
You help them end up with better ideas.
You help their mind to think for the second time.
You help them set up conditions to find the answer with the same brain that asked the question.

Ultimately, by not taking sides, by “letting them say it,” you bolster their self-reliance.

Here’s a list of Phrases That Payses to help people lead themselves:

1. What else do you think about this?
2. So, what does that tell you?
3. So, what do you think that means?
4. Is there anything else?
5. What are you going to do?
6. What do you think is the best solution?
7. What would you do if YOU were you?

REMEMBER: If you want people’s dreams, desires and truths to come to the surface – as well as stick around ON the surface – you’ve got to enable them to lead themselves.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How could you turn this person into a genius?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “37 Personal Leadership Questions Guaranteed to Shake Your Soul,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!