Love me, love my changes

Here’s a personal mantra that helped me accept and accommodate my own codependent tendencies. 

Hell isn’t other people, hell is trying to change them. 

It works wonders on the ego. 

Of course, there’s another side to that relational coin. One that can easily be overlooked. And that’s my willingness to accept people when they do change. 

It’s part of the package, as my grandfather loves to say. 

We learn to tolerate, enjoy and applaud the growth of those closest to us. 

Love me, love my changes. 

It’s like the brilliant article that aggregated advice from over six hundred years of marriage. Dozens of successful couples filled out surveys and shared their smartest piece of relationship insight. Here’s the one that captured my attention most:

You can’t change your partner, and you can’t change yourself. But both of you will change. Don’t expect to stay married to the same person. All marriages are a series of marriages. 

Therefore, we allow our partners to change and grow without taking it personally. Because we trust that they’re not saying no to us, they’re saying yes to themselves. 

That’s how we keep the fire of our commitment alive. By being understanding of the changes, accepting of the growth the other and being willing to say yes to each other’s joys. Even if that means cutting attachment to what we think we must have in order to be happy in the relationship. 

It’s like a friend of mine once told me:

I get tired of hearing that people never change. People only change, that’s all they do. 

Love me, love my changes. It’s all part of the package.


How are you navigating times of differently paced growth in your relationships?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.

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