There’s a phenomenon
in the dating world called ghosting,
in which someone that you believe cares about you, disappears from contact
without any explanation at all.
It makes you feel disrespected, disposable and
The lack of closure is maddening and unsatisfying.
And the most
insidious part is, you not only question the validity of the relationship you
had, it you question yourself.
This experience, however, isn’t limited to the
dating world alone. Ghosting happens between friends, family members,
colleagues, customers, prospects and almost every other type of platonic and
professional relationship known to man.
It’s a universal human experience. Things just go away.
Buddhists call it impermanence, whereby all formations are transient or in a constant
state of flux, and any attachment to them becomes the cause for future
And so, if you get ghosted, of
course your feelings are going to be hurt. But only for a day. If the long
term emotional effects of ghosting are devastating and damaging and sending you
into an angry ruminative loop leaving you awash in fury and resentment and
feeling irritable and on edge much of the time, that’s on you.
ghosted hundreds of times in my life, both personally and professionally. And
it still stings every time. But as I grow older, my response to this experience
of abandonment has evolved.
First of all, instead of beating myself up, I have
compassion, forgiveness and acceptance towards the people who disappeared.
Remembering never to attribute to malice what can be easily explained by
incompetence, poor timing, lost emails, and of course, the imperfect and
ephemeral nature of life.
Secondly, instead of making war with what is,
building a defensive edifice against reality, I just throw my hands up to the
sky and laugh at the sheer absurdity of my existence. Remembering that I don’t
have to know how everything works. And that the healthier my relationship with
mystery is, the happier my life will be.
And so, next time someone that you
believe cares about you disappears from contact without any explanation at all,
It’s not your fault. It’s not something you said. It’s not
emotional cruelty. It’s not passive aggression. It’s not a reflection of your
worthiness for love.
And it’s not an all out personal attack.
It’s simply life.
Things go away.
Just because you kissed once doesn’t mean you’re in love
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What story are you telling yourself about the people who abandon you?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
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* * * *
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.
Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.
Now booking for 2017-2018.
Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of
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