Developing a healthy dependence on other people’s support

Most of us are so unregulated emotionally
that we use everything from food to alcohol to sex to work to drugs regulate
our feelings. 

And that’s why it’s such a challenge to contain our desires and
be uncomfortable for a minute or, god forbid, a whole day. It’s far too

And so, we try to find in things what we are afraid to ask for from
other people. 

But if there’s anything we should learn to reach for, it’s each
other. That’s how people orient ourselves in a healthy and human way.
Connectedness becomes the frame in which we learn healthy ways to regulate our

Becker once wrote that the self can only be developed in
transacting with other selves. That man must be built upon the basic human
encounter, only becoming whole not in virtual of a relation to himself, but in
virtue of a relation to another self. 

Perhaps this sacred space between souls
is where science and spirituality intersect. 

Perhaps we discover our own
divinity within other people, and not from the heavens above. 

Work is a common
example. When we notice feelings of fear or sadness or anger welling up, maybe
instead of running to the office kitchen to grab another bag of candy to meet
our emotional needs, we might turn to the person next to us and ask if they
have a few minutes to chat. 

It’s certainly a riskier and more sophisticated
strategy for affect regulation. But developing a healthy dependence on other
people’s support is what will deepen our connection to the human community. 

Whereas eating or drinking or smoking our feelings will only deepen our risk
for heart attacks. 


Have you accepted the people around you as your greatest assets in coping?* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.

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