I’m not dead yet, and I wish people would stop burying me

Let’s talk about the things we hide behind. There are so many ways to avoid being seen, noticed or interacted with in this world. And each tactic is more fascinating and seductive than the next. That’s human nature for you. We’re all expert at using things to protect ourselves from criticism, punishment and vulnerability. We have been conditioned to quell many of our top fears, like the fear of annihilation, the fear of losing autonomy, the fear of separation and...

Do you know someone who needs to check in over and over again to make sure everything is okay? Someone whose repetitive need for reassurance drives all of your interactions? It's totally exasperating when you're on the receiving end of it. Particularly when someone's level of distress is high. People's reassurance compulsion often goes up when their life is coming apart at the seams, so they work overtime to feel sure, abolish all doubts and establish certainty as a fact....

Broken hearts come from emotionally over investing. We decide that someone or something is the one. This is going to complete us and make us whole and change everything, so we place a dangerously high level of importance on it in our lives. This over investment gives that person or thing complete power over our emotions. But the joke's on us. Because we are the ones who break our own hearts, not them. Heartbreaks reveal our possessiveness, which almost always...

If something helps you secure a measure of control in a world of chaos, then it's worth doing. Even if that sense of control is delusional, it still provides utility value. Because feeling able to influence your reality in any way is deeply motivating and satisfying. My therapist once told me, control may be an illusion, but empowerment isn't. Meaning, if you believe that you have a role in determining your future, it doesn't really matter if you're right or...

Some people wake up in the morning fraught with potential crises. They constantly feel that the bottom is about to fall out. Minor details that would be nonissues to others seem like insurmountable hurdles to them. Having to cope with life's daily events is a second full time job. And they’re either late, afraid of being late, or freaking out because they were late. As a result of this toxic emotional baseline, they have a continual need for others to...