A blacklister is someone who tries to put an embargo on your joy.
A hyper skeptical cynic who not only doesn’t like the things you like, but also judges you for liking the things you like. Simply because it’s not in their taste.
Being around these people is exhausting and infuriating and makes my stomach hurt. Because you can always count on their sardonic commentary to ruin a good time.
Like when they shoot down your ideas before you even finish explaining them. Or when they expertly dismantle your enthusiasm from a variety of angles. No matter what the topic is, they’re good for at least four or five scathing comments to tear apart everyone and everything in their path.
And sadly, there’s no book on dealing with difficult people that can save you. Blacklisters take this art to a whole new level. And sometimes it feels impossible not to get sucked into their misery vortex They are immune to your consultations, to quote the great eighties pop song.
The important thing to remember about interacting with these people is, it’s not personal. It’s not your fault. It’s not an attack on you or your character. And it is not something thing you need to fix or fight.
Blacklisters treat everyone this way. Their negativity is a reflection of their chaotic inner state expressed externally. You just happen to be within the blast radius. Meanwhile, they’re sabotaging themselves in order to return to the more comfortable and familiar state of misery.
Spezzano’s book on heartbreak makes a radical suggestion. He says that when a person attacks, they do so because they are frightened, and they do not expect someone to move toward them. And so, we pour love into them as they are attacking. That way, both people move forward.
Is it even possible? Can we truly loathe the behavior, but love the person?
It’s certainly worth trying. To open our hearts to people in such a spacious and generous way, to use our imaginations to find things to love about them, even as they prove themselves to be sneering killjoy cock blockers, they’ll never see it coming.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Will you take the risk and leap into the unmapped, unsafe and unreliable territory where love lives?
* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.
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