Holman’s handbook of addictive disorders defines shame in the following way. 

He refers to it as feelings of defectiveness because of having a need. 

Because that’s the story we sell inside our heads. Even though we want to bring ourselves into full alignment with what we long for, some part of our brain superimposes guilt on top of that need. 

After all, having a need might mean tension and conflict and standing up for ourselves. Having a need might mean not being agreeable, setting boundaries with other people and causing trouble. 

We can’t have that. If this boat’s a rocking, shame on you for knocking. 

It’s a form of deprivation. Extraordinary denial. Disciplined avoidance. This mindset is not serving us. Each time we shame ourselves, our capacity to function well plummets. Each time we shame ourselves, it weakens our immunity and steals our energy. 

On the other hand, as they say in recovery circles, each time we represent ourselves as people whose needs deserve to be taken seriously, we’re strengthened. We’re less likely to let unacceptable situations build up over a long period of time. 

The world doesn’t want your shame. It has no use for it. 

The time has come to bulldoze your way out of its debris. To step forward and honor your deepest needs. 

That doesn’t make you defective, it makes you a human being. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Do you experience yourself as a real person with needs, desires and a point of view, or a vessels to fulfill other people’s expectations?* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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Ford was an industrialist, but he was also an enthusiast. 

The combination of which enabled him to profoundly impact the landscape of the twentieth century. Consider his words from over one hundred years ago, which still ring true today. 

Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes rise to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait, the grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas. Enthusiasts are fighters. They have fortitude. They have staying qualities. Enthusiasm is at the bottom of all progress. With it, there is accomplishment. Without it, there are only alibis. 

The infuriating thing is, not everyone is enthusiastic about enthusiasm. Some people believe enthusiasm is a strength for which there is little use. Some people will even try to dissuade us of the delusion that our earnestness and fervor can actually make a difference. 

During our summer kickoff meeting at my college radio station, my brand new notebook was filled with exciting ideas for remote broadcasts, advertising spots, dining hall streaming, in studio performances and other on campus promotions. It was the most exciting day of the semester for me. 

But by the time my speech was finished, a few of the veteran board members looked at me like I’d suggested skinning a baby with a spoon. 

Apparently plunging ahead and letting your primal enthusiasm lead the way wasn’t something they were used to. After all, it was only college radio. Even the general manger jokingly patted my shoulder and said:

Relax freshman, it’s only the first week. 

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever felt the sudden urge to apologize for your passion? 

It’s deflating as hell. Because true enthusiasm is not something that can be counterfeited. It’s pure joy. It comes from deep inside that beckons to be shared with the world. And when it moves us to our feet, there’s nothing worse than people dismissing it. 

Next time somebody tries to prevent you from seizing the key of curiosity that allows you to open new doors, replenish your supply of enthusiasm anyway. 

Trust that all of your breakthroughs will be a consequence of earnest interest. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you known as a person of enthusiasm?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

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Proactive coping is preparing in advance to be upset, angry and disappointed. 

Setting yourself up to emotionally thrive in a potentially triggering or stressful situation, knowing that you won’t be in the right mind at the time. 

For example, before leaving town to visit your extended family for the weekend, you can activate your healthy support system ahead of time. Perhaps alerting friends or your spouse that you would appreciate a short phone call at the end of each day so you can process things with other people, as opposed to locking yourself in the bathroom with a fifth of whiskey. 

Because in many cases, trying to regulate by yourself, you’re stuck in a circle. On the other hand, when you use connectedness as the frame in which to process your experiences, you build a safe container to hold your many feelings and emotions. You practice dancing reality rather than dodging it. 

That’s the bigger picture we fail to realize when the adrenaline is pumping and the cortisol is flowing. Whatever is bothering is, it’s not just the issue, it’s the unhealthy coping mechanism we’re using to deal with the stress of the issue. It’s the suffering layered on top of the pain. The second arrow, as it were. 

Ask yourself this:

What overwhelming feelings do you have no healthy coping mechanism for? 

Plan for that failure in advance. Preselect people whom you can cleanse yourself with. Use them as your lifeline. 

That way, when the shit hits the fan, you won’t resort to the unhealthy ways that you’re used to coping with stress. 

Save the whiskey for your pecan pie. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What mechanisms can you put into place now so you can execute when the pressure is on?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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A recovering consultant friend of mine jokes that he used to be paid handsomely to help companies build up the facade of a business that deep down they knew was cracking at the foundation. 

It’s a sad but widespread paradox of life. One that only happens to corporations, but also to individuals. 

Many of us have been there before. Putting energy into being other than ourselves, it’s completely exhausting. Even if it is sustainable for a while, eventually, we lose the energy to keep up the façade. And we feel like fugitives from our place of profound identity. 

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a lesson that’s given to help us remember who we are. It’s a sacred opportunity to find the path back home. 

Years ago, after ending a long relationship with a woman who was completely wrong for me, a friend of mine said something that stuck with me forever. When you were still together, he said:

Everything she did seemed to work in concert to try to take you away your true self. But now that you’ve broken up, it’s been really nice getting to know the real you. 

He was right. For the first time in four years, my soul was finally called back home. The filters had evaporated. The bars to my heart melted into piles of thick, hot globs of iron. And I felt liberated from the invisible chains that kept me from moving forward. 

What’s more, those who knew me best could tell. The freedom was written all over my face. 

Is your true self is missing you? 

That’s okay. We all get lost sometimes. 

But each person has to find their own way to meet the world and carry their true self. 

It’s one of life’s great tasks. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you grieving aloud for the loss of self you imagined?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

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Every guitar player learns the same first lesson.

It’s better to practice five minutes every day than five hours on the weekend. 

That regular interval of concentrated effort keeps us connected to the music. Not to mention, helps heal those painful callouses faster. 

This principle applies to almost every area of life. Because if we only do something every few months, it’s impossible to get on top of the process. Only through consistent daily action can we develop the habits that create extraordinary outcomes. 

That’s how we build momentum and accumulate compound interest. By dutifully returning to the work over and over, not treating it like some object we acquire and then put on a shelf somewhere. 

Going beyond discipline to commitment. Devotion. Identifying which variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for. 

As the integral psychologists call it, an open eyed, ongoing and resolutely empowered yes to a well considered choice. 

And so, whatever activity or endeavor we choose to undertake, we build a practice that’s truly our own. We accept that each day’s march is the goal in itself. We get extremely clear in our own mind what the commitment would amount to. 

And we trust that eventually, we will gain so much momentum that it will become easy to succeed. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

If you created your own daily practice, what would it look like?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

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Our level of happiness depends on how we act upon or repress our instinctual needs. 

If we grew up in a hyper religious and puritanical tradition that was profoundly suspicious of pleasure, it’s quite possible that we will not respect the basic needs of our body and spirit. We will not honor our fundamental human longing for joy. 

Because that would be a sin. Only heathens indulge in the corruption of the flesh. 

And so, we’ll remain trapped in shame’s chains. And our capacity to function well will plummet. 

That doesn’t sound like happiness. If our days slip away and we forget to do the things that give us pleasure, the zombie apocalypse has officially arrived. 

The solution, however, is not to hop on the hedonic treadmill and solely pursue happiness through the pleasures of the senses. Rather, it’s to gain a greater understanding of our own needs. To make deeply considered choices about what life suits us. And to find the wherewithal to respect our own needs. 

After all, one person’s joy is another man’s heartbreak. If we never felt the pang of longing to own a house, get married, have children, work a straight job and join the local congregation, and would rather live abroad, that’s okay. This is our way of having joy. 

If we discover an unorthodox but healthy lifestyle that brings us massive fulfillment, but offends and confuses half of our family members, that’s okay too. This is our way of having joy. 

Look, if you’re happy as you’d like to be, think about which of your instinctual needs are being ignored, repressed or not acted upon. 

Look into your own eyes and whisper your joy. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Have you considered the disconnect between what you’re encouraged to want and what you’re allowed to have? * * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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When we actively lobby for our interests with people who can help our career, we have to be open to support that arrives in a form we’re not crazy about. 

We have to allow people to help us in their own way and accept their help as it is offered. Otherwise we block the flow of good into our lives. 

If our second cousin introduces to a former coworker who now lives across town and wants to meet us super early in the morning at some shit hole diner, well, in the spirit of abundance and prosperity, it’s still worth pursuing. It’s still an opportunity to take action and make life better for ourselves. 

During several spats of unemployment over the years, I regret not taking those meetings. Not because they would have led to some new gig that magically changed everything, but because they would have built up my confidence and momentum during a time when my spirits were low. 

That’s the return on investment. The chance to keep moving the story forward. 

And so, if your life is in transition right now, ask yourself how open you are to support from unlikely sources. Ask yourself if your antisocial tendencies might be blocking your connection to opportunity. Ask yourself if you are routinely taking risks that other people would shrink from. 

Because that’s the stuff progress is made of. 

Saying yes to help that we don’t love, but deeply need. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you enlisting and inviting others around you to support you in your healing?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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Our deepest fear is rooted within the universal human need for contribution. 

It’s our existential longing. We can’t fathom leaving this world without making our mark, doing something significant, creating some kind of value and mattering in some way. 

We want to be worth the air we’re taking up. Otherwise, what’s the point of even being here? How, then, are we supposed to operate at our highest point of contribution? 

Four simple words. Heart, mouth, hands, head. 

First, heart. 

We have to announce to ourselves that we intend to matter. We have to believe that we have the ability to make something meaningful. And we exert the faith that our daily activities carry a nobler significance. 

Second, mouth. 

Because all transformation is linguistic. Language is the number one source of leverage we have for changing the world around us. And so, we verbally, out loud, in front of people we love, designate things as being significant to us. Leaving no doubt in their minds about our cherished values. 

Third, hands. 

Directing our energies into useful channels. Making a useful contribution with whatever we have, wherever we are. Even if that contribution doesn’t exactly mirror the expectation we had when we started. 

Finally, head. 

We have to think about what represents the final achievement that will fully satisfy us that we have made it. We have to answer the question my therapist once asked, when will we have done enough to be happy with who we are? Even if we never quite connected all those dots of fulfillment? 

That’s what contribution looks and feels like. 

It’s something all people seek, most people achieve, some people miss and zero people regret. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What gives you the satisfaction of knowing your talents contribute to a larger effort? 

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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There are some people can’t follow directions, and there are some people who can’t function without them. 

My personality belongs in the first camp. My rebellious and independent nature doesn’t need to be told what to do and works best traveling without a map. 

I would rather life be experienced than explained, and don’t feel the need to predict behavior to gain a sense of security. I love the wondrous experience of becoming open to whatever life brings. 

And so, it’s no surprise that people in the other camp infuriate me. Perhaps you know someone like this. They insist on doing everything by the book. They grow paralyzed without explicit instructions. They always look for the magic clue that will explain everything. They break out in hives when structure is removed and the rules are broken. And they believe things only work with clearly defined rules, procedures and plans. 

This personality isn’t good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse, it’s just different than mine. Which is fine. However, a large part of me also believes these neurotic hall monitor douche canoes ought to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire. 

Other than that, I have no strong opinions on the matter. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Are you at war with this person, or is it just a personality clash?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

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Most people are open minded to mystery and miracles in the abstract, but in reality, it’s a trait often perceived as a sign of weakness, foolishness or naiveté. 

Bell’s book explores the bible literately, not literally. Which is the best way to approach any ancient scripture. In one particular chapter, he explores the dangerous emotional responses some people have to mystery. 

When you reject all miraculous elements of all stories because you have made up your mind ahead of time that such things simply aren’t possible, you run the risk of shrinking the world down to what you can comprehend. 

And so, we have to ask ourselves the question, do we believe or not believe something happened based on whether we believe things like that happen or not? 

Psychologists would call this premature cognitive commitment. Leaping to a conclusion before having enough data to make a truly informed choice, and then closing our minds to any future change in perspective. 

This not only applies to mythology, by also to modern life. Because each of us makes this mistake daily. We create these little filters for our reality. Before we even meet people, we already decide what we think they need. We make up our minds what the right answer is, and then do whatever it takes to prove it. 

Simple. All we have to do is block out what the actual, known universe is telling us is happening. 

Why do we do this? Because it gives our ego a false sense of security. It insulates us against having to abandon some of our outdated beliefs. It protects us from losing the entire world as we understood it to be. 

Which might be cozy and warm, but it also makes it hard for ourselves to look at the world in any other way. 

Jung was right when he said that any attempts to unravel the labyrinthian dynamics of art’s propulsion according to the categories of the reasoning mind will never replace the mystery with an explanation. 

Perhaps it’s time to liberate ourselves from the need to explain everything. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Do you believe what you believe because you were taught it or because you believe it?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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