There’s a mantra that I use to remind myself about the power of fear.

Once you’ve seen a ghost, you’re always afraid of the dark. 

That’s the nature of trauma. Big or small, we all suffer deep mental and emotional scars from our distressing experiences. And from that point forward, we have to stay attuned to the many reminders of that trauma. 

Because any stimuli can become a trigger. And we might not even realize it until the bullet has already left the gun. 

Like my favorite comedian once said:

People don’t realize things are traumatic because there’s no music to inform them how they feel. 

In the height of my workaholic years, I was driven by the fear that if I didn’t work sixteen hours a day and travel nonstop, I would lose my job and become a failure and have to go crawling back to my parents basement as a broke, lonely and pathetic loser. 

It was textbook workaholic mindset. And in fact, it sent me to the hospital several times for stress related injuries, included a collapsed lung. 

If that’s not traumatic, I don’t know what is. 

And so, I found coaches and therapists and started mediating and attended support groups and did lots of useful soul work on myself. Whatever it took to heal. 

But the thing about trauma is, the body has a long memory. And it’s hard to unsee that ghost. 

Even years later, there was still a small part of my brain that was afraid of the dark. Things like working and traveling and even certain people were associated with pain. 

And for a while, there was a part of me that was afraid of returning to that place again because I believed it would retraumatize me. 

It was fucked up. Nobody wants to be scared of the dark. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

How has your brain changed since first jumping on the trauma change?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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When I was on jury duty, I learned that one of the most common types of lawsuit damages is called the loss of ability to enjoy life. 

Unlike pain and suffering, which compensates the defendant for the physical pain they feel, loss of enjoyment damages compensates someone for the things they can no longer do because of the pain they are feeling, like playing sports, hobbies, vocations, or any other activities that make up the pleasure of life. 

Consider the gravity of this notion. 

Even our country’s legal system has its own category to reinforce the mantra, res severa verum gaudium, or, true joy is a serious thing. 

Yet another reminder that this world is truly ours for the enjoying, and not just another wearying burden that pins us down with obligations and anxieties. 

Even in spite of unsolved problems, mistakes, failures, conflicts and pains, we must give ourselves permission to enjoy life. 

Spenser’s famous question comes to mind:

What more felicity can fall to creature than to enjoy delight with liberty? 

None. Enough postponing your happiness. If you’re not enjoying this now, when do you think it’s going to pay off? 

This existential dread isn’t gonna ameliorate itself. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Do you have a small place to enjoy more prosaic pleasures?* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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Altman’s book on mindfulness reminds us that letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care, it’s just that we’re no longer invested in building a brick wall to keep things from changing. 

We’re not giving up, we’re being honest about our situation. We’re not throwing something away, we’re merely stepping outside of its shadow so that things may be seen in a different light. 

It’s an act of mercy toward ourselves. Each moment of letting go is proclaiming to the world: 

I acknowledge that this is how things are, and although I might want them to be different, I will let go of that aversion and just allow life to be the way it is. 

It’s a frustrating practice if you’re not used to it. Takes years to work through. 

But then again, it sure beats the alternative. Do you know how exhausting it is to keep denying reality? What a waste of perfectly good calories. 

I’m reminded of when my wrist tendentious first flared up. I figured the pain would magically go away if I just ignored and forgot about it. Like one of those pesky emails you don’t feel like responding to. 

But the pain persisted. Because I was merely denying reality, not accepting it. 

The question I had to started asking was:

If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this? 

Of course not. Self care is not an indulgence. My body is worth taking care of. Maybe it’s time to stop being such a stoic hero and go get the therapy I need. 

That’s acceptance. It doesn’t mean I like or approve of the situation. 

Only that I acknowledge reality on reality’s terms and take action appropriately. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

How have you widened your capacity for acceptance in the past year? * * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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Vulnerability is not an easy ask. Nor is it a simple one. 

It’s not another technique that we can learn from a book or on a weekend retreat. 

There are, however, a few questions that we can use as a entry point to feeling vulnerable. 

Where are we afraid? And where are we hurting? 

If we can be honest about those two things, we’re on the right track. T

here’s a powerful and cathartic exercise called the fear list. It’s when you sit down with someone you care about and take turns honesty sharing your personal library of fears, one by one. Big or small. Real or imagined. And without justification, condemnation or the sudden urge to tell each other that there’s nothing to be afraid of. 

The goal of the exercise isn’t to console the other person, but to hear and be heard, to feel and be felt, to see and be seen. And most importantly, to discover that you’re not alone in your own warped perceptions of how the world works. 

If you’ve never looked another person in the eye and tried this exercise, it’s profoundly moving. And hilarious. And insightful. And cleansing. The joy of being felt in that moment of vulnerability, there’s nothing quite like it. 

What’s more, it’s intimate. By being courageously vulnerable and showing the more tender aspects of our authentic selves, the word intimacy literally plays out between you and the other person. 

Into me I see. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Have you reclaimed your right to be vulnerable?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

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Years ago, on the day of a performance review, I stopped by the market on my walk home from lunch. 

And I was this close to not buying groceries to keep at my desk. 

Because I just knew it would jinx me. 

That’s the way the universe works, right? Clearly, the treacherous and unholy act of buying thirteen dollars worth of pickles, trail mix and string cheese would create a ripple in the space time continuum and lead to my immediate termination. 

I can already hear their laughter. 

Groceries? Who the hell does this guy think he is? 

These are just a few of the insane paranoid movies that screen through my brain. I allow myself to become completely consumed with intrusive, irrational thoughts. Believing that I can somehow jinx myself into a bad outcome by doing or even thinking the wrong thing. 

Psychologists actually have a name for this. It’s called the uncertainty hypothesis. It’s when people are unsure about an outcome, so they try to find a way to control it. In this case, with superstitious thinking. 

But as I once learned, paranoia is just a way of avoiding being present to life with its full range of safety and danger and potential for good an evil. 

And so, this constant search to control our unpredictable lives, paranoia is not serving us. We must celebrate our liberation from superstition. We must remember that guilt always hides in the places where we are afraid. And we must not use irrational and complicated logic to show that all events are directed toward ourselves. 

Because whether or not we return to the office with a bag of groceries has zero impact on our employment. 

Stevie was right when he sang, when you believe in things that you don’t understand, then you suffer, very superstitious, the devil’s on his way. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What’s worse, thinking you’re being paranoid or knowing that you should be?

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

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I recently heard a fascinating interview between two recovering workaholics. 

Recounting the good old days of staying at the office way too late, one man laughed and admitted:

There was no joy in the act, it was just anesthesia. 

Who can’t relate to that experience? Who hasn’t not been trapped at a crappy job or in a toxic relationship that systematically took all of the joy out of the experience? 

It’s a dark place to live. One where here we’re solely motivated by the fear of pain. Where we’re simply numbing ourselves out to try and survive yet another day. 

Pure addiction. Any process or substance that relieves intolerable realities. Bad times. 

If we want to step out of that place and catapult ourselves into the undeniable aliveness of the moment, joy is the lever. 

Cloud’s book on emotional clutter makes the point that joy the best way to counter the mechanistic view of life. Joy is the anchor that helps us center by locating the peace that is ever present. 

Because it’s not an emotional end point, it’s an action verb. Something we locate by making a choice to participate in this moment. 

That’s why I constantly ask myself the same questions. 

What can I do to make this less miserable? How can I embed joy into this process? 

It’s the best awareness plan there is. Having agency over the simple things that make life tolerable is a skill should be mastered by all. Because with joy, the very thing that’s valued is the very experience of living.

We give ourselves no choice but to engage with whatever is in front of us. And that’s a whole lot healthier than fleeing from ourselves and numbing out reality. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

How do you use everything for joy and transformation? * * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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It’s tempting to beat ourselves up over the qualities that we lack. 

But that’s the stoic part of our brain. It believes that turning a cruel eye to our weaknesses will help us grow. 

Turns out, though, only making friends with them does. Only reconciling ourselves to our own liabilities can help us take the first step toward change. 

And so, instead of railing and raging about how badly we suck at the task at hand, we should try to find out what our weaknesses might want from us. We should determine which story about our own talent we finally need to shed. 

One of my biggest weaknesses is my profound inattention to detail. It’s a trait that I’ve managed to keep under the radar for most of my life. 

But in the past few years, it’s started to become a significant source of frustration for myself and others. And no matter how much the rebel artist in me wants to say, details schmetails, demanding that the people in my life simply accept my weaknesses as charming and part of the package, it has to change. It really does. 

This isn’t cute anymore. I know it’s important to feel understood and supported for the person we are, but we can’t be afraid to bid farewell to the story that longer serves us. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What kind of relationship do you have with your own weaknesses? 
* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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Fear has a lot of shady disguises. 

It often masquerades as the voice of wisdom and reason. Tricking us into believing that we’re in greater danger than we really are, and we better back away from taking any risks. 

It’s so hard not to listen.

But the thing fear doesn’t want us to know is, it has limited stamina. It may be fast off the starting blocks, but it rarely stays alive for the long game. 

Which means, if we’re willing to be patient and sit through that initial pain, we can wait it out. 

Gaiman’s popular essay on the power of ghost stories said it best. 

Fear is a wonderful thing, in small doses, you ride the ghost train into the darkness, knowing that eventually the doors will open and you will step out into the daylight once again. 

That’s how fear works. Like a weather pattern. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. And if we learn to wait out the storm, maybe even dance in its puddles from time to time, we should be okay. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

How do you handle the fear that sets its mark on your life? * * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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Fear has its place in reality. 

It’s there for a reason.
It’s one of those useful evolutionary mechanisms that aids us in our survival. 

Of course, most of the time, whatever we’re anxious about is out of proportion
to the reality of the danger we fear. In fact, living with that fear is often
more painful than the event itself. 

It just feels scarier in the moment because
the reptilian brain has been activated. 

No time for logic and reason and
rational thought. This tiger is about to eat us. Run. 

And so, when we open our
inbox and our heart starts pounding in fear, and a cold sweat of dread
materializes on our brow, it’s not so bad. In fact, it’s actually a good sign.
It means that we’re alive, breathing and feeling. And in a time when half the
world still lives on only three dollars a day, those simple luxuries are easy
to take for granted. 

There’s a very dark but inspiring passage from my favorite
fiction novel about this facet of fear. The villain sits on the edge of the
bed, slumped forward, his elbows on his knees, a gun on the palm of his hand,
and the narrator says: 

Because he felt a pang of dread at the root of this
desire, he knew that he would not die tonight. As long as he still feared
something, he had a foothold on living, even if it meant only moving forward to
an unknown disaster. 

It’s an eloquent reminder that each day, we’re greeted
with myriad opportunities to meet our fears in new ways. And even if we do get
shocked into immobility without basis or rationale, we can still take a moment. 

We can pause and calmly tell ourselves, wait a sec, this isn’t where my fear
belongs.

Remember, the sooner we accept the fact that the fear we feel
is our own creation, the faster we can change. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Does anybody in their right mind really wise to be completely fearless?
* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

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We’re all attached to our own stories. 

Hardened to our limited ways of operating in the world. Habituated to the way
the landscape looks from there. And we hug those stories like a comfort
blanket. To the point that we can’t imagine living without them. 

That’s the
natural tendency of the human mind. It wants us to stay within the security of
the rigid patterns it already set up. To become a copy of a copy of a copy of
the same archetype we’ve been chasing since childhood. 

But the reality is, a
personality is a product of cultivation. The authentic self is more than the
just hand nature deals us at the start, but also what we choose to build from that nature throughout our lives. 

Cameron’s book on the journey to
enlightenment makes a powerful point about this narrative. She reminds us:

When we outgrow the stories of our childhoods that don’t match our adult
experience, we have a choice. We can adhere to the dogmas of the quiet past, or
we can consciously redraw the lines of our outdated belief system and find one
that works for us as adults.

I often think about this when I’m at work. A minor
incident or a heated conversation triggers a past pain from childhood, and I
suddenly catch my mind regressing into that scared little eight year old
version of myself. 

Mean thoughts enter my head, fear soaks my back and I get
the urge to walk out office in a huff crying, screw you guys, I’m talking my
toys and going home! 

Until I remember, oh
wait, that’s not who I am anymore. The story that serves me today is, I am
a man and a grownup and a professional who plays well with others and knows how
to be part of a team. Everything is fine. 

The point is, each one of us is a
constantly evolving and unfolding process, not a fixed identity. We can talk
ourselves in and out of any persona. 

And so, we may as well allow ourselves to
be gifted by a newer and larger story. One that can lead our lives in an
empowering direction. 

Fuller once wrote that the rigid, the fixed and the
unmovable will snap, crackle and crumble, unable to bend with the winds of
evolution. 

If we have any intention of evolving into the highest versions of
ourselves, we best learn how to bend. 

To engage in what’s in front of us
right now, not fall back on the identity we feel obligated to uphold. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Which of your cherished stories has finally outlived its usefulness?
* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  

[email protected]

www.nametagscott.com

It’s the world’s first, best and only product development and innovation gameshow!

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