What Nobody Tells Us About Success

I got too successful, too fast, too early.

And because I lacked the mental, physical, spiritual and
emotional foundation to support my new found success, a lot of my life suffered.

On the business side, media attention wasn’t leveraged, partnership
opportunities weren’t developed, web traffic wasn’t converted and product sales
weren’t generated.

No wonder my company didn’t make any money for three years.

No wonder the ratio of effort to reward was so low.

On the personal side, family relationships weren’t nurtured,
personal health wasn’t monitored, social involvement wasn’t prioritized and
romantic interests were a joke.

No wonder I ended up in the hospital for a week with a
collapsed lung.

No wonder I experienced multiple anxiety attacks when I
found myself alone.

That’s what nobody tells us about
success. In its pursuit, we don’t just drive ourselves crazy, but we also drive
away the people we love the most.

Because odds are, it’s probably not worth it.

Crap, Now I Have to Sell This Thing

I’ll never forget smelling the first copy of my first book.


Greatest moment of all time. Especially for a guy who wanted
nothing more than to be an author his whole life, when I opened that cardboard case
and literally touched a copy of my dream, pride an accomplishment washed over
me like a spring rain.


Immediately following that, I had a realization: Crap. Now I have to sell this thing.


And that’s the moment nobody prepares us for. When passion
collides with practicality and completion becomes a bittersweet experience.


Because although we overcame the hurdle of starting, took
action in spite of our own ignorance, overcame creative resistance, followed
through with all of our might and executed our vision, all that means is, now
the real work starts.


Now we actually have to do something with what we’ve
created.


Here we go.


Never Underestimate the Profitability of Can’t

Most headphone companies tout their
ridiculous bass quality, masterful sonic performance, superb tonal balance and
revolutionary planar magnetic orthodynamic reference capacity. 


Whatever the hell that means.

Meanwhile, Bose is the only headphone
company whose value proposition is based on what you can’t hear. And every year, they’re always the best selling in their category.

Never underestimate the profitability of can’t.

No Such Thing As A Right Decision

Sometimes what starts as a dream finishes as a nightmare.

We take a job, buy a house, start a relationship or make an
investment because it seems like a smart decision at the time. Based on the
truth as we know it, we do what we think is best for us.

Until five years go by. The world changes, our world
changes, and something we once pursued so passionately now feels like a monkey
on our back.

So we curse and kick and berate ourselves for being so naive. What the hell were we thinking? How
could we have been so incredibly blind?

And that’s when we have to learn to pause. To stop being so
hard on ourselves and recognize that there’s no such thing as a wrong decision.
In fact, there’s no such thing as a right decision either. Stupid, yes. Wrong
or right, no.

It’s just a decision. We make millions of them in our
lifetime. And all of them matter. 

They’re not wrong. They’re
not right. They just are.

Every endeavor – dream, nightmare or otherwise – is a
crucial part of the life experience. Just because something ends badly doesn’t
mean we never should have started in the first place.

Nothing is ever wasted.

Even if it makes us bleed, it still makes us who we are.

Blast Away the Barriers of Readiness

Ideas were never meant to stay that way.


Success isn’t about the seed, it’s about the tree it grows
into, the forest it becomes a part of, the landscape it belongs to to and the new
life that flourishes within in. Success is what the idea looks like when the
world is done having its way with it.


But if the idea isn’t executed, we never had it.


Regardless of size, quality, passion, practicality, coolness
or marketability, until we physically ship the idea out the door, it doesn’t
exist. Until we blast away the barriers of readiness, fear, permission and
procrastination, it doesn’t matter.


That’s why finished is the new perfect. Why version done is
better than version none.


Without that brand of execution, ideas really will stay that
way.


What’s Your Tactcile Delight Item?

Every company needs a delight item.


An unexpected, tactile surprise for every
customer who buys.


But not just the same old chotchkie,
gift card, thank you note, free sandwich or chance to win a thousand dollars.


Something worth noticing, worth
crossing the street for, worth standing in line for, worth taking a picture of,
worth paying extra for, worth showing off, worth socializing around, worth
blogging about, worth sharing with others, worth being tired for, worth getting
yelled at for, worth being sore for, worth sitting trough traffic for, worth
coming back for, and worth saving forever.


And that takes considerably more intention and attention.


Lululemon, the athletic apparel company, gives its customers
a letterpress poster with a scientific diagram of all the excuses not to go to
yoga class. It’s funny as hell, completely unexpected, brand consistent and most
of all, content based. Which means it delivers value through education and
inspiration. Unlike every other company who hands out brochures, as if to say,
“Here, you throw this away!” the yoga poster example is a value forward item,
something that makes the customer healthier and smarter.


Most companies would never do this. It’s too expensive to
print and too labor intensive to design. But Lululemon knows their customer,
and their customers see value in tactile delight. And as a result, thousands of
their customers have published, hung, scanned, copied and uploaded that very
poster, all around the world.


And I bet that doesn’t surprise their company at all.

Stop Knowing Your Customer, Start Knowing Yourself

About a year after I started my company, I returned to Miami University as an alumni guest lecturer.


It was a blast. The students were sharp, they asked bold
questions and a few even challenged me to make changes to my business model.


After class was over, I had lunch with my mentor and former
professor, Dr. David Rosenthal. He shared a few observations from my
presentation, which, at the time, was about the third one I’d ever done.


One in particular stuck with me:


“I don’t think you
know what your product is.”


It stung. Quite a bit, in fact. But a good mentor will do
that. Part of their job is to help us see what we can’t see for ourselves.


Looking back, Dave was right. My book was getting tons of
press, my website was getting tons of hits and my ego was getting tons of
exercise. And yet, nothing was converting.


Because I didn’t know what I was selling.


Funny, we’re always told to know our customer, know our
customer, know our customer.


When we ought to spend more time knowing ourselves first.



Rollers Coasters Aren’t So Bad If You Have People To Scream With

Hiring yourself is a hard road to hoe.


The ups and downs of running a business can leave you
stressed, insecure, scared, doubtful and exhausted. And that’s on a good day.


Then again, roller coasters aren’t so bad if you have people
to scream with.


And once you hear those voices, once you realize you’re not
alone, once you find people to face the world with, the ride isn’t so bad after
all.


I started my company the day I graduated college. And in ten
years of freelancing, ten years of being the sole employee and ten years of
having no permanent office to go to everyday, I’ve worked overtime to fill my
roller coaster with a few groups of people to scream with.


A chamber of
solidarity.
People who fight the same obstacles as you. People who hear the same voices as you. And people who will acknowledge
your insecurities, lay their cross on the table and say me too.


A room of mirrors.
People to give unbiased but useful opinions on our
work. People to show you what we’re too close to yourself
to see. And people who will look you in the eye and say oh my
god.


A network of healing. People
to help you greet your fear. People to sustain you when your spirit is tired
and sagging. And people to carry you
to the other side of the wall and say don’t stop.


A company of
encouragement.
People to say you’re not crazy. People
to be there for you when you start to doubt yourself. And people who will
support the decisions you’ve made about our own reality and say right on.


A circle of safety.
People you can cleanse yourself with. People you can complain and cry and bitch
with. And people who will let you be the lowest version of yourself in their
presence and say I still love you.


That’s a big
reason why I’m still here.


For those
who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.

Matter To The People Who Write Checks

Mattering isn’t the problem.


We know our work is great, and that it touches and inspires
and brings joy to people all around the world.


But it’s awfully hard to pay the mortgage with compliments.


In order to keep our enterprise alive, in order to support our
lifestyle and in order to underwrite our creative endeavors, we need to matter
to the people who write checks – not just the people who validate our ego
needs. We need to please the people who pay, not just the people who praise.


Otherwise we’re just winking in the dark, leaning our ladder
against the wrong wall, telling a terrific story to people who won’t pay us
what we’re worth.


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