Things I’ve recently unlearned, part 2

(Read part 1 of this post series here!)

6. People don’t care what you know or (even) what you’ve done. They care ABOUT, are interested BY and want to learn HOW … you think. Period. That’s the key differentiator.

That’s why your clients keep coming back AND telling their friends about you. Because of the way you think. Because you Have a Beautiful Mind (ahem, top three books I read this year.)

Which means that ideas are your greatest source of income. Which means you better recognize your own thinking patterns. Which means everything you know should be written down somewhere.

7. Principles, not techniques. Techniques, seven-step systems, formulas and tactics can (and will) fail. And many of them are manipulative. And people don’t like them. And people can oppose them AND because they CAN come off as contrived and choreographed.

Principles, on the other hand – that is, universally accepted truths – are more effective tools for getting your point across.

And, as usual, are less threatening.

8. Seekers beware. My mentor/friend Arthur Scharff says, “Seeking leadership destroys the journey.”

So, don’t worry about whether or not you’re a leader. Instead, focus on being passionate.

And as a result, people WILL follow you. Hell, they may even call you a leader!

9. The Smarty Pants Wins. Consultants, trainers, speakers, authors, experts … forget about it. All commodities.

Companies don’t want to hire consultants.

They want to hire cool, smart people who happen to do consulting. Or speaking. Or training. Or recruiting. Or financial planning. Or whatever.

LESSON LEARNED: be cool and smart.

Stop boxing your value in with some stupid role or job title.

Don’t be “Dave the Consultant.”

Be “Dave That Really Smart, Creative, Cool Guy Who Always Has Awesome Ideas That I Think Owns His Own Consulting Firm.”

10. That, not what. For example: it doesn’t matter WHAT you write, it only matters THAT you write.

It doesn’t matter WHAT you create, it only matters THAT you create.
It doesn’t matter WHAT you laugh about, it only matters THAT you laugh about.
It doesn’t matter WHAT you do when you’re together, it only matters THAT you’re together.

You get the point. That, not what.

(Read part 3 of this post here!)

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What three things have you recently UN-learned?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Post them here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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Boundaries are saviors

Social acceptance ranks among the highest of human needs.

Which is why it’s natural to want to say yes to everybody.

Still, your time is the most precious commodity you have.

And if you don’t set boundaries for yourself, people will set them for you.

Which, unfortunately, is why you CAN’T say yes to everybody.

And that’s the big challenge of approachability: choosing your company wisely.

Now. Over the years, I’ve always had trouble saying no.

To friendships.
To lunch offers.
To people’s requests.

I guess I was afraid that if I told people no, they would think of me as “unapproachable.”

(Which is sort of a problem if your occupation is to teach approachability!)

So, for many years, I said to yes to pretty much everybody.

And I ended up wasting a lot of time, energy, attention (even money!) on people, projects and pursuits that didn’t match my interests. (For a few extreme examples on this, read Confessions of a Lunch Whore.)

Now, in retrospect, I don’t regret the choice to become more discrete about the company I keep.

Because even though my boundaries were floppy for a long time, I’ve now come to realize a few truths:

You DON’T have to accept every invitation.
You DON’T have to respond to every attention magnet.
You DON’T have to answer every single email you receive.
You DON’T have to stay friends with everyone you’ve met.
You DON’T have to go to lunch with every person who asks.

You DON’T have to pick up the phone every single time it rings.
You DON’T have to work with every client who comes to you for help.
You DON’T have to collapse your agenda for anyone who comes along.
You DON’T have to be friends with every single person you encounter.
You DON’T have to join every organization that wants you as a member.
You DON’T have to give your time to pursuits that don’t match your values.

You get the point.

It’s OK to say no.
It’s OK to turn people down.
It’s OK to choose your company wisely.

That doesn’t make you a snob.

This isn’t about snobbery; this is about discretion.
This isn’t about rejecting people; it’s about setting clear boundaries.
This isn’t about saying no to others; it’s about saying YES to yourself.

And especially in our hyper-speed, A.D.D., instant-gratification culture, setting boundaries is harder than ever before … because there are more magnets for your time and attention than ever before.

So, what’s the solution?

Well, nothing I can summarize in one blog post!

However, here’s a list of required reading to help you master the art of discretion.

NOTE: these six books have been absolutely life changing in the past year.

And I read a LOT.

So, listen up. These dudes are smart:

1. Boundaries, by Cloud & Townsend
2. Where to Draw the Line, by Anne Katherine
3. Crazybusy, by Dr. Edward Hallowell
4. The Power of a Positive No, by William Ury
5. Value Based Fees, by Alan Weiss
6. Finding Water, by Julia Cameron.

Read those books, and you too will learn that boundaries are saviors.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you maintain discretion with the company you keep?

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Share your boundary-setting tips here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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Stick yourself out there!

If you build it, they (might) come.

For that reason, you MUST stick yourself out there.

In three ways:

1. STICK YOURSELF OUT THERE … IN PERSON.

YOUR GOAL: to expand your comfort zone.

In the hallways. In the elevators. In your conversations. At networking events. At conferences. During meetings.

Be willing to do something crazy.

To break people’s patterns.
To violate their expectations.
To be unexpected and unforgettable.
To walk into a room and attract (not seek) attention.

EXAMPLES: your 10-second commercial, your company name, your greetings and your goodbyes.

2. STICK YOURSELF OUT THERE … ON THE WEB.

YOUR GOAL: to expand your web presence.

With blogs. With websites. With videos. With pictures. With articles. With Social Networking.

After all, if you don’t exist on the Internet, you don’t exist.

So, make sure you’re Googleicious.
And easy to find.
And perceived as THE (not “a”) expert.

EXAMPLES: start a blog, publish an ezine, post pictures of you “doing what you do” on Flickr and get a MySpace and Facebook page.

3. STICK YOURSELF OUT THERE … TO THE WORLD.

YOUR GOAL: to expand your opportunities.

To get help. To get better. To get new customers. To get connected to the right people. To get sponsors, champions and mentors.

Fortunately, the universe is responsive and participative.
It is ready at all times to guide and mentor us.
Ask, believe, (work your ass off) and you shall receive.

EXAMPLES: share your goals with others, define your perfect customer and share that with people who can refer you, continually ask, pray and EXPECT the world will deliver your requests.

Stick yourself out there.

CAUTION: when practicing this philosophy; remember that negative outcomes ARE possible.

Beware of haters, piggybackers, bloodsuckers, time-wasters and opportunities disguised as tricks.

All those dangers arise when you stick yourself out there.

But the good news is, fortune favors the bold. So, when you stick yourself out there – in person, on the web and to the world – you will get them to come to you.

“Them” meaning the media.
“Them” meaning new customers.
“Them” meaning your employees, friends and fans.
“Them” meaning opportunities, wealth and lucky breaks.

That’s what approachability is all about.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you stick yourself out there?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your philosophy here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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How to be TOO approachable

Yes, it IS possible to be TOO approachable.

Here’s how…

1. Over actively listen. If you nod TOO much, smile TOO much and agree TOO much, your conversation partner is going not going to like you … TOO much!

Avoid focusing ALL your attention on “coming off as a good listener.” Just relax.

The moment you TRY to be authentic is the moment you STOP being authentic.

Listening is about focusing on the OTHER person’s words; not YOUR own abilities.

2. Early vulnerability. Yes, vulnerability can be approachable. Admitting that you don’t know the answer or have been completely terrified before is a surefire way to encourage comfort.

HOWEVER: don’t be too vulnerable too quickly.

It may come off like you’re trying TOO hard to build rapport. And intentionality often reduces authenticity.

3. Ask too many questions. First of all, it can come off as too goal-oriented, too forced and too planned.

Secondly, it projects a rapport-seeking attitude, instead of rapport-attracting attitude.

Thirdly, it will appear that you have nothing of value to share yourself.

And lastly, asking too many questions makes the other person feel like she’s being interviewed or interrogated.

4. Force the kinesthetic. Lightly touching someone’s arm, elbow or any other non-threatening body part during the conversation is a good tip for building rapport.

Just don’t do it TOO much. People will check you off immediately.

5. Use names too often. If you repeat the person’s name TOO often, it comes off as sales-y, forced and inauthentic.

Depending on the length of your conversation, try to use the other person’s name once at the introduction, once in the middle and once at the goodbye. That’s enough!

Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

NOTE: if you talk for more than seven minutes, it’s OK to
increase Name Drop Frequency.

6. Forced familiarity. Discovering the CPI (Common Point of Interest) is essential for connecting.

But, don’t try TOO hard. Unnecessarily fishing for commonalities can make you look desperate if you’re trying to hard to stretch it.

If you have nothing in common, let it go. Don’t force familiarity.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What makes someone TOO approachable?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your examples here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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Things I’ve recently unlearned, part 1

The only thing cooler than learning is UN-learning.

Changing past programming.
Reconditioning your brain.
Rethinking old-school assumptions.

So, here’s a list (part 1 of 3) of some things I’ve recently UN-learned:

1. Don’t create FOR. Not for anyone or anything. Just create. Detach from outcomes. Be autotelic, not exotelic. And stop trying to label everything. Just do stuff for the purpose of doing stuff. Do it because you love doing it.

This will lower your inhibitions and enable your natural creativity to flow organically.

Heck, you’ll probably create some pretty cool stuff in the process.

And eventually, (hopefully), the “for” will appear on its own. It will be a nice added bonus when someone wants to buy your work. (However, even if they don’t, at least you enjoyed making it!) It’s a win-win.

2. Don’t get, CAUSE. Whether it’s sales, management, creativity or facilitating a group discussion, don’t “get” people to buy. Or listen. Or participate. Or ask questions.

Instead, cause them to do so. Maintaining a “get” mindset creates a pushy attitude.

“Causing,” on the other hand, sounds a lot less threatening.

3. Don’t make your website scream, “Hey! Look at me!” Instead, make it scream, “Here’s exactly what you were looking for!”

I’ve recently realized how the user-generated, “My” Culture created by Google, YouTube and Tivo proves that THEY (meaning customers) call the shots. Not us. (Thanks for this one, Seth Godin)

4. Effective speakers don’t always have to speak. This isn’t just about making powerful pauses; this is about audience engagement. After all, their combined knowledge is probably greater than that of the speaker.

And ironically, the longer amount of time a speaker has to speak (one hour vs. half-day session) the LESS the speaker should be speaking. Weird.

5. Environment, not people. You can’t control people. You can only manage the environment in which they interact.

So, your challenge is to create a healthy, organic, friendly atmosphere that is conducive to whatever you’re trying to accomplish.

(Read part 2 of this post here!)

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What three things have you recently UN-learned?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Post them here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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If your clients are not actively telling their friends about you…

Oscar Wilde once remarked, “The only thing worse than being talked about is NOT being talked about.”

So, if your customers are not ACTIVELY telling their friends about your business…

1. That means you’re probably selling a dead brand.

2. That means you’re probably different, not unique.

3. That means you’re probably doing something wrong.

4. That means you’re probably perceived as a commodity.

5. That means you’re probably not word of mouth worthy.

6. That means you’re probably creating customers, not FANS.

7. That means you’re probably not getting much new business.

8. That means you’re probably not doing something important.

9. That means you’re probably not as great as you think you are.

10. That means you’re probably boring, unremarkable and normal.

11. That means you’re probably not making the mundane memorable.

12. That means you’re probably spending too much money on marketing.

13. That means you’re probably not expanding your overall customer base.

14. That means you’re probably poorly positioned in their minds, not in the market.

15. That means you’re probably creating customer SATISFACTION, not customer loyalty or insistence.

Look. Word of mouth is everything. And anonymity is your greatest barrier to business success.

SO REMEMBER: businesses that get talked about get more business.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s telling their friends about YOU?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
If you’re clients are not actively telling their friends about you, what (else) does that mean?

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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Get rich slowly

The other day I saw an advertisement for this intense, three-day Wealth-Building Seminar.

The headline read, “Become a millionaire in ONE WEEKEND!”

And my initial reaction was: Wow, are people really THAT impatient?

But I guess it’s not entirely surprising.

After all, that’s our world: a hyperspeed, A.D.D., instant gratification culture.

So, here’s my counterintuitive thought of the week:

Get rich slowly.

I first heard someone say these three words a few months ago. And they really stood out in my mind.

Get rich slowly.
Slow down. Take your time. Practice impossible patience and let wealth (not money) accumulate.

Get rich slowly.
Not quickly. Not within 18 months. Not by the end of the year. When you’re ready.

Get rich slowly.
Make the transition from “making a lot of money” to “making a contribution” and “growing your business.”

Get rich slowly.
Earn money incidentally, not intentionally. Detach from outcomes and focus on serving, solving and providing value. Don’t worry; the money will come.

Get rich slowly.
After all, if you’ve got something cooking, something worth waiting for, something worth talking about, it’s only a matter of time before you become rich. May as well spend a few years getting your shit together first.

Get rich slowly.
Install long-term, efficient business systems, master your craft and perfect your voice. That way when you DO become rich, you won’t blow it all.

What’s your rush anyway?

It’s only a matter of time.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you getting rich slowly?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best “get rich slowly” technique here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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38 questions that REALLY make you sit back and think

1. Are customers asking to buy a product you don’t presently sell? And if so, what does that tell you? And what are you going to do about it? Listen closely.

2. Are you making people WANT to stand in line and pay higher prices than they know they should? Think Nintendo Wii. Not customers; fans. And not satisfied or even loyal — insistent. Who loves YOUR stuff?

3. Are you the one with the most information? As Bill Gates said, “Leaders in business are the people and organizations who do an outstanding job with information.” How much intellectual property to you own?

4. Does this person enrich your life in any way? If not, ditch ‘em. Sure, it hurts, but you’ve got to be fair. To yourself AND the other person.

5. Does this statement give you any insight about yourself? It probably does. After all, you learn not from your experiences but from intelligent reflection upon those experiences.

6. How are you closing the credibility gap? Ask yourself this question daily. Because defensiveness always exists.

7. How are you helping your customers build their business? That’s really the end-goal. Improving the client’s condition.

8. How do you avoid being perceived as one-dimensional? You know, typecast. One hit wonder. One trick pony. After all, diversity is equity. What’s your sequel?

9. How long does it take for your ideas to become tangible things? Because ideas are free; but execution is priceless.

10. How many free samples of your work are out there? People need to see you doing what you do. That way, they’ll get hooked and think, “Cool! I want him to do that for me too!” Be like a Drug Dealer.

11. How many listening lessons have you taken? Poor listening is widespread. That’s why very few people can answer this question. And all it takes is a little Googling.

12. How many of your customers are seeking expertise elsewhere because they don’t realize you possess it? Ouch. Kind of makes you want to start blogging, huh?

13. How many thinking lessons have you taken? TWO WORDS: Edward DeBono. Read up.

14. How much time elapses between when your gut tells you there is tension (in a relationship, conversation, etc.) and when your partner hears you talk about that tension? Hopefully, as little time as possible.

15. How quickly do you take action on your new idea? Some people talk a big game. Others actually play in that game. Still, Shakespeare was right: action is eloquence. The choice is yours.

16. In what areas of your life are you most intuitive? A good thing to know about yourself. Also a good thing for other people to know about you.

17. In what ways are you currently obsolete? Ya big dinosaur. Come on. It’s 2007. Almost 2008. Get with the times.

18. Is your life working? Man. Think about THAT for a week.

19. What “does it” for you? For me: Tabasco Slim Jims, non-fiction business books with short chapters and mind-numbing action movies that may or may not star Bruce Willis.

20. What are the questions you (still) can’t believe your customers actually asked you? A great list to make with a few of your coworkers.

21. What are you becoming? Another homerun to think about all week.

22. What are you building? Maybe it’s a house. Or a family. Or an enterprise. Or a following. Or a church. Or a model train. But in the end, we’re all building SOMETHING.

23. What do you know that other people find valuable? Make a list of 101 of them. I triple dog dare you.

24. What do you know that people would pay money to learn? For example, if someone were to pay you $5000 for one hour of your time, what questions would they have to ask to get their money’s worth?

25. What else does this make possible? The ultimate leverage question. Ask daily. Because everything you do should lead to something else you do.

26. What have you recently UN-learned? Think about what you’ve been programmed, conditioned and taught to think over the years. How much of that is bullshit?

27. What ideas are you in love with that might prevent you from seeing clearly? This is especially difficult for artists. Especially when your ideas are your brainchildren. Be honest with yourself.

28. What kind of person do you definitely NOT want to become? A good suggestion is to take a look at the veterans of your industry. Look at their lifestyle, work habits and daily routines. Ask yourself if that’s the kind of person you want to become.

29. What personal skills have you not tapped into yet to add value to your customers? They exist. There’s something (or things) inside you that have not yet been used. Don’t waste them.

30. What personal skills have you not tapped into yet to build your business? Like, what are you really, really good at … that you aren’t presently being paid to do?

31. When was the last time you brought new skills to your clients and prospects? Competence is assumed, friends. Be sure to deliver new value regularly.

32. When was the last time you created new value? Last week? Last month? In 1997? Come on. Do something new.

33. When was the last time you listened, all the way through, to an idea that made you uncomfortable? It’s good for the soul.

34. When you realize it doesn’t apply to you; do you keep listening? Lots of people tune out the speaker in this situation. And that’s why they don’t learn much.

35. Where and when are you an automatic NO or YES? Worth making a list for this one. Something to carry with you at all times. Helps you become the world’s expert on yourself. REMEMBER: people respond to policies.

36. Which people in your life don’t respect your time? Ditch ‘em. Your time is the most precious commodity you have. Stop wasting it on people who don’t respect you. Let them suck the blood of someone else.

37. Who creates fires you waste time putting out? Not an easy list to make, but still a worthwhile investigation.

38. Who values you and your knowledge? Maybe it’s your readers. Or your staff. Or your family. Or a bunch of random strangers on the Internet.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your best self-assessment question?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Post it here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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Here’s to SEVEN YEARS of nametagging!

Man, has it really been SEVEN years already?

Wow.

Can’t say I ever could have imagined all of this.

2,557 days straight. That’s how long I’ve been wearing a nametag.

Good lord.

Well, here’s to seven more years!

-Scott

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Month: November 2007

Things I’ve recently unlearned, part 2

Boundaries are saviors

Stick yourself out there!

How to be TOO approachable

Things I’ve recently unlearned, part 1

If your clients are not actively telling their friends about you…

More content = more value

Get rich slowly

38 questions that REALLY make you sit back and think

Here’s to SEVEN YEARS of nametagging!